I've discovered over the years, and am continuing to experience and feels things that support this, that when it comes to getting involved with a girl, I'm my own biggest obstacle. The reason for that is, I have a tendency to get way ahead of myself with any girl I start to like. I begin to think way further into the future of the relationship than it will probably ever reach. I begin to imagine how things would be like between us in a year, 2 years, or more. All this before we've even been out on a date. I tend to let myself get more emotionally wrapped up in a girl than I should, and because of it I make all kinds of special effort to facilitate hanging out or going on a date, or anything really. I'll attempt to rearrange my schedule, I'll push other things asides, I'll make myself available for no good reason. As soon as I begin to think that things might go somewhere, the girl jumps up to priority #1. And that's why I'm my own biggest obstacle.Take this girl I'm dating now. I started liking her about a month ago. I asked her out. We've been out lots of times since then. She didn't start displaying any real signs that she was interested in me until about 2 weeks after the first date. During that time I'm emotionally reaching for anything, any kind of sign that I can rationally interpret to be her liking me or being interested. And it kills me. Even where we are now, I'm pretty sure I'm more emotionally involved than she is. I just want to lavish attention on her and speak freely about how great I think she is or how much I like her, but I know I can't do that because I'd probably scare her away. So then I have to consciously hold myself back. When I want to talk to her all the time and go out every night, I have to tell myself no.
It doesn't help that I'm usually not that busy. Other people have lots of other things going on, things to distract them from their potential love interests. I really don't have that much to do, or maybe I'm just more prone to think about the girl I like more often than the average guy. I just care TOO much. I sometimes wonder if it's just desperation. I'm not necessarily lonely at the moment, but I am still highly invested in finding someone to replace that best friend spot. Someone who needs me as much as I need them. And that kind of defines this weakness of mine I've been describing. I think at the moment I just really need that person, and so when someone comes along that passes my short list of criteria, I just get so excited that I overdo it.
I hear time and time again from friends, "Don't over do it", "Don't rearrange your schedule just for some girl", "Just go on auto-pilot and don't think about her so much". All suggestions of holding back and not putting so much emphasis on the girl. I wish, I wish I could do that. Again I say: I am my own biggest obstacle.
This last weekend has been kind of an emotional roller coaster for me. Erica and I went out Wednesday night, and we talked about some good things. We established that we'd like to start a relationship. That's huge news. Well, really it was me suggesting it and her saying her saying she'd give it a shot. That's kind of been the reoccuring theme in our dating so far: I am leading her down the road. She's not saying no, so obviously she's doesn't mind where I'm taking her. She's admitted to liking me, and so obviously she is following me to some degree of her own interest level. However she's still trailing a few steps behind me, which (given my weakness I've explained thus far) is beginning to drive me crazy. Anyways, it was Thursday morning that she reaffirmed that she liked me. That was 3 days ago, I should still be happy with that. But yet, it feels like it was so long ago. Clearly I'm still not convinced to a level that I'm satisfied with that she likes me. And I can't go to her about that to find out what her deal is, because it's MY problem. And she just left this morning to go out of town for a week. I was hoping to take her out Friday or Saturday night and kiss her before she left, and also to make our relationship official. But in a string of bad scheduling and unfortunate things, we never got to go out. I didn't even really get to say a proper goodbye to her.
So now, I'm in a place where I realize my problem. I realize the situation. The only question now is how to proceed. I've debated trying out a few tactics I've heard from friends, being more assertive and direct about dates, talking to her less, ignoring her to a degree, etc. Or I can stay the course I've taken thus far, which is probably a tad over bearing, and little TOO nice, and not quite dominant enough, however it's the course of action that has gotten me this far. I also wonder what kind of things Erica responds to. Mostly it's been emotional-level and social-level stuff between us, and like I said, she has more or less just been riding along. So then I wonder if she'll respond more to physical attention. As one of my friends suggested: Try and get the short-term game down first, then the long-term will follow if it's meant to. And I've made a post about THIS before too, about the short-term game being more physically charged than emotionally-charged. And that's why I have no short-term game. I've always only moved a relationship along on a physical level as I feel it's moved on an emotional level, or in other words I keep the two on a similar level.
In any case, I dunno, she's out of town for a week. I dunno if she can talk on the phone or get texts where she's at, we never really talked about it. So then do I be the first one to call/text her to see how things are going? Or do I wait for her to decide she misses me and wants to talk? I don't know...things are way more complicated than they ever need to be with me. Again I say: I am my own biggest obstacle.
