Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Brain maturity versus learned maturity

Image result for adult vs child brain maturity"

So first off, big applause, it's my first post in over 8 years! I know, I know, my fans are raving, which is limited to pretty much just me (and all the people I tell). Won't stop me from tooting my own horn, though.

This this is a 'daydream' topic, but I think most all of us have had the moment where we think "Man, if I could back to when a kid and keep all the maturity and intelligence I have now, how crazy would that be? I'd be good at everything!" Maybe that's just me, but especially since I've become a father and watched my boy struggle with things like focus and ambitions (he's 6, so it's understandable) the topic has popped into my mind. Like "man if I were out there at 6, with my current-brain, I could smoke all those 6 year olds at soccer, be a regular Pelé!" But it's fun to think about, about how you could capitalize on all the knowledge you have for your gain down the stretch, but how you would lose all these things in your life like your spouse, kids, friends, etc that you would have to hope would occur in your life again the same way they did before.

However, in studying out this topic in my mind, I began to wonder: how much would all of that gained intelligence and maturity and developed talent be hindered, obstructed, or wholly negated by the undeveloped and immature brain you'd be stuck with? The natural instinct is to be like 'yeah, I'd be like an adult in a kid's body' but I wonder now how it would actually work.
I'm not savvy on all the science behind the development our brain undergoes during our years maturing, but it stands to reason that a 6 year old's brain isn't capable of things like quantitative reasoning. But is that due to lack of intelligence? Or lack of the "required hardware" relative to the brain functions?

So then I'm thinking, if I took my intelligence and skills and knowledge back to my 6 year old self, would I even be able to capitalize? Would my 6 year old brain be limited in how it could apply information and approach a problem? Would it be more like a curse, akin to someone with Alzheimers who has a memory of things they could do, but a body and brain that is inconsistent in its ability to perform or completely unable to perform the task?

Of course, continuing along those lines, the next thought is to wonder how much of our talents and maturity already exists in our undeveloped mind and over time as our brain matures it becomes more capable of utilizing that talent, versus the idea of us 'building it' or 'developing it'. I'm sure it's more of the latter, I think that's what all the science suggests, but it's fun to think from the other perspective, that the talent and maturity is already there, just we cannot access it without the required brain capability.

While the idea of being an adult in a 6 year old's body and playing on a YMCA soccer team and smoking all those kids is indeed fun, I think it would actually be incredibly frustrating trying to translate thought into action with our limited 6 year old brain.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Beauty in strange places

Good golly it's been a long time since I made an entry. Hard to believe 2011 is come and gone already. Where DOES the time go...

So recently I've been speculating at the awesome power of life throwing you curveballs when you least expect them. Most of us fear the unknown, and understandably so. Change can be a scary thing. But at the same time, these changes can be so pleasant...so refreshing...and just plain beautiful.

It can come in the form of a job that you never believed you'd get. A job that is your metaphorical 'ticket' to a new life and new opportunities you believed long gone.

It can come in the form of a beautiful and amazing girl, whom you'd always thought unavailable and out of your league, throwing your emotion into a wonderful tailspin of risk and excitement with simply a few words.

It can come in the form of a poetic and artistic expression so beautiful and stunning you simply have to stop everything else you're doing and thinking about to even begin to understand the full potential.

Each of these things has happened to me over the last 2 months, and it makes me stop and realize I'd begun to forget that such surprisingly beautiful things exist all around us. It's difficult to always spot them out, or to grasp at the fleeting moments before they're gone forever.
Each occurance is just one more reminder to me that no matter how terrible or mundane life may become, there's always something new on the horizon. It may not be right around the corner, but it's out there.
I wish I could express myself more artistically, to help create beauty in the world around me. The talents of others blow me away sometimes, and I am left in the shadows of greatness I can never hope to match.
However, simply knowing that such amazing art is all around me if I choose to observe it is a greatly comforting fact.

I have to share a video link to the video that inspired this post and aided in spurring this thought process.

This artist is amazing, and I wished I possessed just one fourth of the talent and artistic expression he has.

As we enter 2012, I'm excited at what new changes life will bring. What new beauty is there to be discovered? I hope that all of you can share this sentiment.
At the risk of being horribly cliché: Sometimes you really do just have to stop and smell the flowers, and sometimes you just have to stop and let life remind you there are greater things at work than we can comprehend.

Monday, January 4, 2010

A reconciliation of my beliefs

So recently I've been going through and reading and rereading a lot of my writings from throughout the years. All of my blog posts (the significant ones), all of my family letters detailing events of my life, and old journal entries. It's given me great insight into who I am and who I've become. It's also given me insight into who I used to be and what I used to think about things.

What I've concluded is this: all growing up I had faith in God, in his existence and in his caring guidance in my life. I made references to these beliefs as recently as summer 2006 when I expressed in a family letter my belief that the Lord would help take care of my brother and I as we worked for the summer in Gary, IN.

However what I also found is there was a very distinct time in my life where I began to question everything, all aspects of society and of my life. I think some of these questions led to interesting and positive realizations, but I think some of them led to destructive thought processes that broke down my faith, the faith I'd always had.

What's significant about these observations is that while reading through blog entries and family letters during that questioning and cynical part of my life, I realized most of those thoughts and philosophies I expressed are no longer applicable to the way I feel now. I read them and I feel like I'm reading the thoughts of someone else, and not my own. Which further made me realize that while I went through that questioning phase, I still have strong core beliefs that have been resolute throughout that time.

So to pull a trick out of the US Supreme Court's book, I'm going to reverse some decisions expressed in the past that I feel are no longer a reflection of my person:

1) My statement that I believed God created us but didn't actively intervene in the lives of man. I now feel like I've known all along that He, in fact, does. Sometimes He makes it more obvious, but usually it's in subtle ways that only those are are spiritually attuned will take notice of. I feel like God has intervened often in my life, some of them I've recognized, most of them I probably haven't. I hope to one day be able to recognize the hand of God taking part in my life every day.

2) My statement that I was denouncing my belief in the supremacy of God's law. I now feel like this was a silly statement to make, as I'd previously expressed a belief in God but then denounced belief in his Divinity? Those are very obviously contradicting statements.

3) My expressed disbelief in Jesus Christ being the Son of God. I feel like this also was a silly statement to make, and that I've known otherwise all along.

I dunno, I'm sure there's more, but I didn't keep notes while I was rereading through old entries. I do remember strongly feeling like I was reading someone else's writings during most of them. What I most strongly know now is that family is the most vital element of both our temporary and immortal existences. I love my family so much and they have played and continue to play a major role in my life. I wanted to share a piece of a family letter I wrote summer of 2005 during which time I was about to move from Dallas back up to Utah on a short-notice decision by my summer employer:

"Know that I love my family very much and would love nothing more than to be able to spend time with all of them at least once a week, if not multiple times a week, but it looks like the Big Man upstairs has different plans in mind for Maretta and myself. I am a very strong believer that everything happens for a reason. There's a reason why we came down to Dallas for this program and there's a reason why it didn't work out and now we're going back to Utah. I'm just glad I got to see my family at least a few times while down here. When I think of all the people in the world who never get to spend time with their family, or worse, have a family they despise, it makes me realize how lucky I am to have a very loving and centralized family."

I dunno how many 19 yr olds you hear saying that kind of stuff about their family, and when I read stuff like that that I wrote as a teenager, it makes me proud. Proud of who I've always been and what I've always known. I know it will be because of family that I will dive headlong back into religion, whether it's my family consisting of parents and siblings, or whether it's my own personal family that I'm anxious to one day begin. There's is a love in my family that I feel like sometimes is indescribable. This is something I can perceive and feel in my immediate family, it is something I know. I feel like it is also a feeling I could know in regards to my eternal parents and my eternal family, and I want to be some day able to make that connection.

I don't know what's in the cards for me, either in this life or in the life after, but I know I am capable of great things, and I would like to extend my love and appreciation for all those who have helped or will help me to accomplish those things. I can only hope to do the same for those I love.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

electronic cigarettes and the politics of innovation

Okay so what is it about smoking cigarettes that has made it so unpopular with the media and general population these days?

1) First and foremost, smoking is almost a guaranteed killer. Disregarding the fact that we will all die eventually from something or another, cigarettes are packed full of chemicals, tar, carcinogens and other things that make them generally unhealthy. These are the causes of things like lung cancer, emphysema and other health risks associated with smoking. Many federal and non-profit organizations report that as many as one half of smokers will die from smoking related illnesses. Their definition of 'smoking related' is besides the point. Smoking is just plain unhealthy, there's really no argument around it.

2) It smells. Cigarette smoke smell bad to most people. Some enjoy the smell of second hand smoke, but in general it's a pretty foul odor. Moreover, extended exposure to cigarette smoke can permanently damage many kinds of property, public or private, by creating a permanent odor of used ashtrays; in your car, in restaurants, your house, your clothes, etc.

3) It's expensive. With the taxes being constantly added to cigarettes, packs can cost up to almost $7/pack. If you smoke a pack a day, that's almost $200/mo, or $2400/yr. It's an expensive habit, that much is for sure.

4) It's trashy. The amount of trash and litter that comes from smokers is huge. Cigarette butts EVERYWHERE. Empty packs, wrappers, used up lighters, ash, etc. Quite plainly, it's a hassle.

5) It's a fire hazard. Smoking is banned in most public places these days. Not only because of the health concerns of second hand smoke, but also largely because you are holding an ember in your hand which, if improperly handled and disposed of, can very easily start a fire.

6) You could call this an argument but really it just leads back to the last 5, and that is that nicotine is addictive. Sure it's never good to let an addiction have power over you, but addictions come in many shapes and forms. The reason this addiction is so bad, is because of the other arguments listed. It'll be a drain on your money, it'll damage your property from second hand smoke if you allow it, you're unwelcome from most public places while smoking, and on top of all that it'll probably kill you. All these unwanted repercussions due to smoking.

Now, lets throw all those arguments out the window (well except for the addiction part). And with that, you have the electronic cigarette, as pictured above. The idea of the electronic cigarette is that it's designed to look, feel, and taste like a real cigarette, but without any of the negative repercussions of smoking a real cigarette. Basically it works like this. You have a battery which, when air is pulled through the assembly, powers a heating element (referred to as an atomizer) which vaporizes a nicotine solution which is then inhaled. Basic details can be found on wikipedia or for more detailed information, you can find assorted reports from both government agencies and online retailers. Ultimately, the e-cigarette is a solution to most of the problems created by smoking tobacco cigarettes.

1) E-cigarettes are said to be anywhere from 90%-99% healthier than cigarettes. Any carcinogens or TSNA's found in these 'nicotine solutions' is said to be present only in below harmful levels. All the chemicals that cause illnesses related to smoking aren't present in these nicotine solutions. That's not to say e-cigarettes are healthy, after all, nicotine is still poisonous and above certain dosages it can even cause death. However, e-cigarettes will not cause any of the usual health illnesses caused by cigarette smoke.

2) Since there is no burn, combustion or ember of any kind, the vapor produced is odorless and dissipates as quickly as steam from a boiling pot of water. There is no smell, and consequently there is no risk of property damage or general unwelcomeness.

3) E-cigarettes can cost as little as 1/4th the cost of traditional cigarettes. After the initial purchase of the rechargeable lithium battery and atomizer, the only non-renewable part of the assembly is the cartridges preloaded with the solution. A pack of cartridges (which is supposed to be equivalent to around 4 packs(or 80 traditional cigarettes) costs only $5-7, depending on the retailer. This is clearly the economical option.

4) With no burning components, no tobacco, no paper, and no filter, there is nothing to worry about when it comes to trash. Simply dispose of the plastic cartridge when it's empty and continue. No hot ash, no cigarette burns, no ashtrays, no lighters, no paper packs. Completely eliminated.

5) Again, with no burning components and no smoke, e-cigarettes pose no threat of starting a fire. As such, they are legally allowed in places where traditional smoking is banned, such as restaurants, airplanes, and other public places.

Yes, it is still nicotine. You can still become addicted to it. But if you eliminate most or all of the arguments against smoking, is the addiction still so terrible? Like I said, no addiction is good, but when comparing traditional cigarettes to e-cigarettes, it seems like an amazing alternative that both smokers and non-smokers can enjoy the comparative benefits of. Being that it's so amazing, why have you probably never heard of these? Or at least not seen much press coverage? Despite all the evidence, why is the government not backing these? I'll tell you why:

Politics, bureaucracy, and big business.

Obviously, there are serious interests aligned against the electronic cigarettes if the FDA can be persuaded to abandon its professional duty. Let's look at who is affected:

  • the pharmaceutical industry, who sell nicotine replacement aids
  • public health groups, who receive funds from the pharmaceutical industry and promote ineffective smoking cessation aids
  • the tobacco companies, who could see their lethal products taking a hit if electronic cigarettes ever become really popular
  • the American government, whose health plans rely on revenue from tobacco companies, among the billions generated in revue from taxing cigarettes
This is the first time I've really realized big business for what it is, and what kind of power it seems to hold over our government and media; and to honest, it's kind of frightening. When you've got a new product (I believe the idea is less than a few years old) that seems to rival that of a billion-dollar industry, why hasn't there been more coverage on it? I myself just heard about e-cigarettes this week and have been reading up on them fervently. Being somewhat of a smoker myself I tried to do plenty of research to see what these were all about. What, if any, health concerns did e-cigarettes pose over traditional cigarettes? What governmental acknowledgment has this product gotten? I've tried to look for non-biased studies and research, but it's been hard. Official statements from Big Tobacco companies have spoken against them and official statements from the FDA have spoken ill of them, but everything I've found from consumers has been overwhelmingly supportive of them. It's easy to see why Big Tobacco companies would want to crush this new rival, so I have a hard time believing anything they say, and it's easy to see how the opinion of the FDA could be 'persuaded' by all sorts of special interest groups, including the Federal Government itself, and so it seems like the only opinions I can trust are those of people who hold no loyalty to either, and just really want to evaluate the product for what it is. These are the people I've heard huge support from over the e-cigarette.

Already the federal government has tried to ban foreign manufacturers from shipping e-cigarettes from overseas, and are currently battling with domestic manufacturers. But why? The evidence I've seen and read is overwhelmingly compelling in the favor of e-cigarettes. There's definitely no way that they could be MORE unhealthy than traditional cigarettes, and the FDA backs THOSE. So why not these? It just amazes me, how our government can be bought and paid for like this. I fully expect to see further legislation against e-cigarettes by lobbyists of Big Tobacco and other agencies. I wouldn't be surprised if ultimately e-cigarettes were made illegal, for whatever bullcrap reason they will end up making. If that happens, they are basically condemning up to 50% of e-smokers to their death upon return to traditional cigarettes as their only option.


The worst part of all this is the realization that the e-cigarette probably isn't the first, and definitely won't be the last idea to be repressed from popular attention long enough to eliminate the product from the consumer market. What truly scares me is if this kind of thing can happen, what will the future of our country be? If our 'free market' isn't really free? Where do the possibilities end? If a revolutionary alternative fuel is innovated, will that idea also be systematically dismantled by the government and it's special-interest lobbyists? Has it already happened and the general public just doesn't know about it? What about in the health industry?
I think most people have heard the 'crazy' conspiracy theorists that speculate a cure for cancer has already been discovered but covered up; well I'm beginning to think those guys aren't so 'crazy' after all, and I'm truly beginning to worry about the future of our country's innovation.

If you're interested in additional/further coverage of e-cigarettes from government and press, go to this website.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

young girls

Well it's been a long time since I made a post but I thought this idea merited some written organization.

I work at Chili's Bar and Grill and recently transferred to a new store closer to where I live. One of the other servers there, Madison, is very cute, very sexy. When I started working there she immediately started flirting with me. Not like, suggestive flirting, just unusual interest in me and stuff like "we should hang out sometime" this and "you're so funny!" that. She's 19 so I had my reservations about responding but she seemed interested in me so I wasn't going to say no.

I get her number and we text back and forth a bit, semi-flirty stuff. So I asked her out on a date, we go rock climbing, have a great time. To me it seems like things went really well, and I felt like we had some chemistry. So I start getting into this girl, thinking maybe things might go somewhere. I have a party at my house a few days later, invite a bunch of friends, mostly from work, and she comes. At the party she still seems kinda into me but I feel like I'm competing for her attention a bit, that annoys me.

After that I try and set up another date, but she's really flaky about it. I call, I get a voice mail, she doesn't return my call. I text, she says she didn't get it. I ask her out for another night, she says she's working. I try a different night, she says she works that night too. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if in fact she was interested at all? Because it seems to me if someone wants to go out with you, even if they're busy they will try to offer an alternative time that works for them. "No I work that night but I'm off the night after" etc. But no, nothin. So I send her a text "Do you WANT to go out again? Because I felt like we had some chemistry last time but maybe you didn't?"

She never responds.

And so that got me thinking. Obviously her not responding says it all. And I started wondering how I could've started falling for this girl when it was apparent to me now that she wasn't really interested at all. And then I started realizing that she's just a flirt. A flaky girl who feeds off the attention that all the guys give her and loves every moment of it. It may not be her intention to have guys think she's into them when she really isn't at all, but sometimes it's not all about intentions.

So then I started wondering if I should still work at it. Because *I* felt like she was a great girl, she met most of my criteria and from everything I'd seen so far, I really thought she was someone I could really get along with. But then I started getting indignant. Why would I try and convince someone why they should date me if they don't necessarily care to? That's just stupid. Life is too short to spend time waiting for someone to decide that you're worth their attention.

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a great guy. A girl would BE so lucky to date me. And I know that sounds incredibly conceited, but I have to give value to myself so I don't end up selling myself short. I'm not saying what I have and what I am is what every girl is looking for, but I do have quite a few desirable traits. I'm working on bettering myself by going to school, I work two jobs to support myself and enjoy a comfortable life style, I enjoy a broad range of interests from video games to athletics to music to puzzles, I have a good selection of talents, I'm tall dark and handsome, I'm responsible but also care-free, I bring almost no baggage to a relationship, I'm almost void of all drama, and more.

I have some undesirable traits too, but who doesn't. My point is, I have to give myself the credit I deserve. I can't be spending time chasing after girls who aren't interested in me, desirable though they may be.

They say girls mature faster than guys, and I think I can agree with that, until about the age 15. I think girls are 15 for 10 years, and then when they turn 25 they rapidly mature and realize their party-hardy attitude towards dating and guys for the last 10 years isn't getting them anywhere and they start to realize what will. I'm pretty sure I knew that already, hence my original reservations about bothering with a 19 year old. However I guess I was banking on the exception to the rule. Not all girls are flirty and indecisive for that long. Some, like my sister and my sister-in-law, shape up much earlier. I guess that's what I was hoping Madison was. But oh well. I'm not in any hurry to meet that special someone, and they say the person who is giving the least amount of special attention to finding love is the one most likely to find it. I'm too great of a guy to be chasing after bimbos. And a lot of other guys are too. These girls will lead us on a never ending rabbit chase, and we need to see these girls for what they are. If you're in the 18-25 range, don't be frustrated if you can't find a girl that doesn't play games or send mixed signals. Wait for a few years, or date someone older. It's just not worth chasing that girl who doesn't need you, you're better than that. Keep your chin up, there's someone out there who will love and need you just as much as you love and need them, and there is for me too.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

rollover topic

I'd like to extend the previous 'theory' or philosophy beyond family, because indeed it does extend beyond family. Those unreasonable feelings of personal accountability aren't just limited to parents. It can extend to anyone you really care about. And it sucks, because it almost always makes you look like an irrational jerk.

A few examples: last summer my best friend got married. The person he got married to and situation he married into, and the way in which he married, were all things I disagreed with, or to be more specific, weren't the way I would've done them...........but it's not about me. It took me a long time after he got married to come to terms with all that.

I've always held an image in my mind about how marriage should be, the way things are supposed to work. It was established by the way I'd seen it happen over and over in the world in which I was raised in. The 'world' I was raised in was almost entirely Mormon. My influences from inside the house were 100% Mormon, and the vast majority of all of my influences outside the house were Mormon too. It wasn't until I was 15-16 that I start going back to an outside school and was able to experience life outside of a completely Mormon influence, but by that point I'd had 15 years of Mormon influence that had already established and deeply rooted certain ideals in my brain. (Obviously that was the point). Anyways, very seldom in Mormon society do women have children outside of marriage, and very seldom do people get a divorce, both of which mean that very very seldom are there ever kids involved from a previous relationship or marriage. Also, Mormon weddings are really played up, very celebrated. Very seldom is there a marriage in which there wasn't an engagement, invitations, a reception, yada yada. So when this is what I expect for myself and from everyone else, and then my best friend marries a girl who has a kid from a previous relationship, and they don't have any kind of engagement or anything, it really threw me for a loop.

At first I was all "Wow, I can't believe you did that, you're crazy, this isn't right for you, you could do so much better" yada yada yada and so on. After awhile I started to realize that it's his choice and really none of my business, but I still didn't like it. Now I am realizing that I'm having those same feelings of accountability almost. I care for my best friend, and I want him to have the best opportunity in life possible, and I didn't think the choices he was making would lead to that opportunity. I felt like he was cutting himself short. I certainly must have felt responsible to some degree because I kept trying to talk him out of it the idea that his situation was 'okay'.

So in that case I was getting emotionally involved in someone else's choices that didn't really have anything to do with me. I was crusading my beliefs and morals on his behalf. It was selfish but me to fight him on the topic and to treat him any differently than I would have otherwise.

In any case, I've been doing the same thing with my brother, and it's unfair in this case too. He was really close to getting married to this girl a few years ago but things didn't work out. A few years later she comes back into his life but she's married to another guy and she has a daughter. She's on the brink of divorce and my brother is caught up in a whirlwind of emotion thinking back to times when he was in love with her. For a long time I've been fighting him on the topic saying he needs to stay far far away from her, that she's no good, that he needs to find a better girl, and so on. The same kind of thing with my best friend. I want only the best for him, or rather, what "I" think would be the best for him. But more and more I'm beginning to realize what I think is best for him and what's actually best for him may be entirely different. If she makes him happy, that's really all I should ask for. Having a kid from a previous marriage puts him at a disadvantage, yes, but if he recognizes that and is willing to deal with it, then good for him I guess, that's his choice. If he wants to start dating her again after her divorce, I won't completely fight him on it anymore.

And getting away from me, I've been victim to this kind of behavior before. I've explained what happened in a previous post. In my freshman year of college my room mate was giving me lots of grief for no apparent reason, and he later said it was because I was doing so poorly in my grades and being generally anti-social. He was holding his standard of living for me, and must have felt somehow accountable for my poor behavior.

In any case, this can really happen to anyone you really care about. You want the best for the people you love, but sometimes you just have to stop and consider that what you think is best isn't always necessarily what is best for them.

parenting

I came to some conclusions the other day that I'd thought about before, but hadn't given the time to reinforce. As always, I came to these realizations during a conversation with a friend, two friends actually (within a few days of each other).

The topic came up when I was describing to my friend how nervous I was to become a parent. When asked why I was nervous, I replied 'because there's no fail-safe method to parenting'. The other friend, after a lengthy analysis of how people raised their kids, asked me "How would you raise your kids?" "I don't know", I said. Both questions led to the same response. There's no fail-safe way to raise your kids such that they will do everything you want them to and avoid doing the things you don't want them to. There's no formula to follow to turn that impressionable and vulnerable little baby into a independent and successful member of society. There just isn't. No matter what method you choose for raising you kids, it's imperfect and flawed. You can do everything you thought was right, everything you thought a parent was supposed to do, and still not end up with the result you wanted. Realizing that, I think, is an important part of being a parent.

Knowing and accepting that your children will have huge trials in their life is one thing, but realizing that you are going to go through your own trials because of the decisions that your kids make, decisions that have no affect on you other than that it was a choice contradictory to what you taught them to make....realizing and accepting THAT...well, that's something entirely different.

That's what I'm nervous about. The struggles I'll inevitably go through because of the way my children choose to live their life. Not the "my 15 year old son stole and crashed my car and now I'm stuck with the loan" kind of struggles, I'm talking about the "I've taught him all his life what I thought was best and still he chooses not to listen" kind of struggles. The internal demons kind.

My friend was explaining to me how some things she chose to keep secret from her parents, substantial enough things that it affected the way in which she was able to interact with her parents and siblings. She explained that she avoided disclosing such things because of the social conflict it would cause, but that because she had to avoid those topics, it affected how she could interact, to a degree that she was unhappy with. Now, as a person who has always been very upfront with everyone about the type of person I am and what my ideas and beliefs are, including my family and parents, this behavior she was describing to me seemed entirely unnecessary. Yes, it's true, parents will suffer all kinds of grief and feelings of personal failure in light of certain actions their children may make, but I've decided that for parents to take that discontent and turn it against their child, whether it's blaming the child for making them feel that way, or trying to make the child feel bad for being the cause of such feelings, or by just acting towards the child in ways that are negative or detrimental to the family peace, is entirely and completely selfish as the parent.

I know for a fact that many of my decisions and beliefs have caused my parents sorrow, to varying degrees. But that's their problem. And when my friend said she didn't want to tell her parents about things she had done because she didn't want to hurt them, I told her the same thing, it's their problem, not hers. And by choosing not to tell them, she is taking their burden upon herself, causing her to be unable to be herself around her parents, for fear of disclosure.

Now, there's something admirable to be said about people who take the burdens of others upon themselves. According to the stories of various Christian religions, there was a follower of Christ who, when Christ was forced to carry his cross up the hill to Calvary, offered to carry the cross himself so that Christ wouldn't have to suffer the burden. It's an admirable thing, very selfless and giving, to do something like that. But it's important to understand who's burden it really is.

In the case of my friend, she is assuming the burden is hers. She assumes that because she made the decision, that the deceitful way in which she now has to behave among her parents us just another one of the consequences of making that choice. But I disagree. And this is the point I'm trying to make. Parents have many burdens when it comes to raising kids. The feelings of sorrow and failure will, almost undoubtedly, come in any parent's life as a result of the choices their children make. But the knowledge of those choices is their burden to carry, and to try and put that burden off on their kids through guilt, or on anyone else, is selfish. They're your kids, you're the one getting emotional because they are displaying behavior that is contradictory to ideals you hold for yourself, but not just for yourself, you hold those ideals for them as well, making you feel personally accountable for things that you might not necessarily be accountable for. Of course, there should be no logical accountability for your children after they turn 18. At some point you have to let go, and if you continue to hold on and feel accountable for them after that time, it's your own problem.

That's what I'm scared of when it comes to being a parent. It's all well and good to be debating the logical reasoning behind the actions people take, but the problem with being a parent is that the emotions are so overwhelming. When the time comes that I have to struggle with my own feelings of failure and sorrow because of the decisions my kids make, will I still be able to tell myself "this is your burden, don't put it on others"? Will I be able to own up to that burden and bear it? Will I even realize it for what it is? Or will emotions overwhelm everything and muck it all up, like emotions tend to do? Who knows. I have a lot of ideas about how I want to raise my kids, and still lots of questions, but at least this is one more thing I know to look out for.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

my own biggest obstacle

I've discovered over the years, and am continuing to experience and feels things that support this, that when it comes to getting involved with a girl, I'm my own biggest obstacle. The reason for that is, I have a tendency to get way ahead of myself with any girl I start to like. I begin to think way further into the future of the relationship than it will probably ever reach. I begin to imagine how things would be like between us in a year, 2 years, or more. All this before we've even been out on a date. I tend to let myself get more emotionally wrapped up in a girl than I should, and because of it I make all kinds of special effort to facilitate hanging out or going on a date, or anything really. I'll attempt to rearrange my schedule, I'll push other things asides, I'll make myself available for no good reason. As soon as I begin to think that things might go somewhere, the girl jumps up to priority #1. And that's why I'm my own biggest obstacle.

Take this girl I'm dating now. I started liking her about a month ago. I asked her out. We've been out lots of times since then. She didn't start displaying any real signs that she was interested in me until about 2 weeks after the first date. During that time I'm emotionally reaching for anything, any kind of sign that I can rationally interpret to be her liking me or being interested. And it kills me. Even where we are now, I'm pretty sure I'm more emotionally involved than she is. I just want to lavish attention on her and speak freely about how great I think she is or how much I like her, but I know I can't do that because I'd probably scare her away. So then I have to consciously hold myself back. When I want to talk to her all the time and go out every night, I have to tell myself no.

It doesn't help that I'm usually not that busy. Other people have lots of other things going on, things to distract them from their potential love interests. I really don't have that much to do, or maybe I'm just more prone to think about the girl I like more often than the average guy. I just care TOO much. I sometimes wonder if it's just desperation. I'm not necessarily lonely at the moment, but I am still highly invested in finding someone to replace that best friend spot. Someone who needs me as much as I need them. And that kind of defines this weakness of mine I've been describing. I think at the moment I just really need that person, and so when someone comes along that passes my short list of criteria, I just get so excited that I overdo it.

I hear time and time again from friends, "Don't over do it", "Don't rearrange your schedule just for some girl", "Just go on auto-pilot and don't think about her so much". All suggestions of holding back and not putting so much emphasis on the girl. I wish, I wish I could do that. Again I say: I am my own biggest obstacle.

This last weekend has been kind of an emotional roller coaster for me. Erica and I went out Wednesday night, and we talked about some good things. We established that we'd like to start a relationship. That's huge news. Well, really it was me suggesting it and her saying her saying she'd give it a shot. That's kind of been the reoccuring theme in our dating so far: I am leading her down the road. She's not saying no, so obviously she's doesn't mind where I'm taking her. She's admitted to liking me, and so obviously she is following me to some degree of her own interest level. However she's still trailing a few steps behind me, which (given my weakness I've explained thus far) is beginning to drive me crazy. Anyways, it was Thursday morning that she reaffirmed that she liked me. That was 3 days ago, I should still be happy with that. But yet, it feels like it was so long ago. Clearly I'm still not convinced to a level that I'm satisfied with that she likes me. And I can't go to her about that to find out what her deal is, because it's MY problem. And she just left this morning to go out of town for a week. I was hoping to take her out Friday or Saturday night and kiss her before she left, and also to make our relationship official. But in a string of bad scheduling and unfortunate things, we never got to go out. I didn't even really get to say a proper goodbye to her.

So now, I'm in a place where I realize my problem. I realize the situation. The only question now is how to proceed. I've debated trying out a few tactics I've heard from friends, being more assertive and direct about dates, talking to her less, ignoring her to a degree, etc. Or I can stay the course I've taken thus far, which is probably a tad over bearing, and little TOO nice, and not quite dominant enough, however it's the course of action that has gotten me this far. I also wonder what kind of things Erica responds to. Mostly it's been emotional-level and social-level stuff between us, and like I said, she has more or less just been riding along. So then I wonder if she'll respond more to physical attention. As one of my friends suggested: Try and get the short-term game down first, then the long-term will follow if it's meant to. And I've made a post about THIS before too, about the short-term game being more physically charged than emotionally-charged. And that's why I have no short-term game. I've always only moved a relationship along on a physical level as I feel it's moved on an emotional level, or in other words I keep the two on a similar level.

In any case, I dunno, she's out of town for a week. I dunno if she can talk on the phone or get texts where she's at, we never really talked about it. So then do I be the first one to call/text her to see how things are going? Or do I wait for her to decide she misses me and wants to talk? I don't know...things are way more complicated than they ever need to be with me. Again I say: I am my own biggest obstacle.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

happy people

In this troubling world of ours there are two kinds of people. There's angry people and there's happy people. Sure there's some kind of 'in-between' breed, but ultimately when the chips are low you're either an angry person or a happy person. Perhaps it has more to do with the way people cope with their struggles than anything else. Some people are totally happy people, until they're tried, then they transform into our friend here on the right.

I work at Chili's as a server, and a server (almost by definition) is a high-stress job position. When it gets busy and you've got a full section, things can hit the fan very quickly. And it's in a job like mine when it's busy and everyone's guard is down, that you really get to see if your co-workers are angry people or happy people. And once I've made the distinction, it becomes obvious who I'd like to get to know better and who I can probably avoid entirely. Now, I'll admit, it's not a solid form of testing the character of a person, observing how they handle stress or cope with peoples' complaints and bullcrap, but I feel it's a reasonable indicator. I've only been working there about 3 weeks and I can point to each person I work with and tell you if they're an angry or happy person. And really it's the happy people you want to work with, the ones you want to talk to and possibly get to know better, maybe even hang out outside of work. But it's those people who really stand out, at least to me. It makes me wonder if those kind of people stand out to just me, or if they stand out even to the angry people as well. I like to think of myself as a happy person, someone who is upbeat and optimistic and usually wearing a smile, even when times are tough. At the very least, that's what I try to be. I also wonder if outside of a high-stress environment, if I could get along with some of the 'angry' people I work with. How much of the angry or tense or stressed feelings I see coming from these people at work at retained even when they're not at work. How much of lies dormant all the time just waiting for a trigger and how much of it only comes as a result of a specific trigger? Bruce Banner is always the Hulk, even when he seems happy and contented, the wrong thing could set him off and BAM! He just flattened your dog. See, if you knew Bruce Banner was that unstable time bomb just waiting to go off, you probably wouldn't have invited him to come along when you walked your dog. Bruce Banner is an angry person, that's just how he is. It's a residual personality trait, not a byproduct of specific and temporary events.

I'm not prepared to say all the people I see trembling and turning Green in the kitchen are 'Bruce Banners', but maybe they are. But at the very least, I can safely assume the people who aren't turning Green in the kitchen, and are instead relatively cheerful, are definitely not Bruce Banners, and hence would be safe to invite them along when I take my dog for a walk (that is if I owned a dog lol). Bruce Banner quit flattening my dog! HULK SMASH!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

good guy/bad guy

DO NOT BE THIS GUY! No matter how appealing he may seemOver the weekend I got into another philosophical debate with my friend William, and here is the organized result of what I learned:

Most people think of a bad person as someone who does bad things to people, and a good person is a person who does nice things to people. Well for this discussion, 'good person' is going to mean something a little different. See, to me, there are certain rights of individuals that people should never violate. These are the criteria I feel measure 'good' and 'bad'. The interpretation of these 'rights' can potentially vary from person to person based on their perspective of life. I feel like it should be constant across everyone, but realize any moral acting as a constant with everyone is wistful thinking. In any case, I feel these rights are limited to 'not stealing from someone', and 'not harming innocent people', whether it's physical harm or otherwise. If the intent is to harm an innocent person, you're violating that person's right. So during the course of my argument, when I say 'bad things', these things and only these things am I referring to.

Now, imagine if you will, a scale upon which your 'good' and 'bad' are measured, a scale which measures your moral integrity, aka scale#1. But like I said above, for this argument, 'good' doesn't mean doing good things to people, like a service project, but instead I'm going to use it in the context of 'someone who doesn't do bad things'. So on this scale that measures 'good' and 'bad', the bad people are people who violate the rights I listed above, a good person is simply someone who does not violate those rights of others and means nothing beyond that.

Now, imagine an entirely separate scale, one that measures a different kind of good and bad, what I'm going to call selfish and selfless, aka scale#2. Beyond the violation of rights, there's another part of life that can be measured, and that's how we act towards other people which is, again, completely separate from what rights we do or don't violate. On one side of this scale, we have a 'selfish' person, who really only cares about himself, he's out to fulfill his wants and needs and no one else's. He's rude, he's mean, he's selfish and greedy, and in fact he's just a complete jerk overall. On the other side of the scale is the paragon of benevolence, a selfless person who strives to find those in need and render aid where ever he can. He's kind, thoughtful, giving and honest, the kind of guy you like to be around.

Now to present one part of my argument: the person who violates the rights of innocent people and the person who gives and serves continually are not opposites of each other, they are being measured on separate scales, and for the sake of this argument, have nothing to do with each other.

Since we have two scales, we have 4 unique combinations now, and any number of 'blend' combinations, but lets just touch on the full-on combinations. Let's take the person who harms innocent people, let's say...a gangster (such as the one in the picture, Russell Crowe in the movie 3:10 to Yuma), who steals and kills and blackmails people, all kinds of violation of rights. Now on the other scale, he's on the 'good' side in that outside of his life of crime, he's very kind and gentle to people, he's giving and charismatic and thoughtful. You see this type of person all the time in movies, the likable charismatic villain, who, despite being a thief and murderer, seems like a good guy. Of course, you can have the 'mobster' who is on the 'jerk' side of the scale#2 making him a 'bad' person and also a 'selfish' person. Even worse.

The opposite of that person is, of course, the person who doesn't violate any rights and in addition to that is caring and kind and serving and so on. Great, good for him, you've got a stand up citizen there worthy of an award of some kind. However, you can also have the person who doesn't violate any rights but in all other ways is a complete ass. This person often gets a bad rap from society, wrongfully judged by many as 'worse' than the mobster who appears to be a saint on the surface.

The second part of my argument is this: It's more important to be 'good' side of scale#1 than it is to be on the 'selfless' side of scale#2. It is my argument that scale#1 always trumps scale#2 in importance. The selfish jerk who isn't violating innocent people's rights is infinitely more desirable than the paragon of benevolence who steals and/or harms innocent people. You can't harm people or steal things, and then justify it by going out and doing a good deed, they're on separate scales, they simply don't cancel each other out. Now whether doing a good deed for someone cancels out a mean thing you did to someone, say....make fun of them(for a tame example), whether those cancel each other out, that's not for me to say but at least they're on the same scale.

So then, in my view of things, I'll admit there's gray area on both scales. Very few people are going to tip in 100% on the side of 'selfless' on scale#2, most of us are are good to everyone but can sometimes let our emotions get the best of us and, whether intentionally or unintentionally, end up being that 'jerk' to at least a few people. Similarly, very few people are going to be a complete jerk to everyone and will most likely be nice and considerate to at least a few people. On scale#1, there's gray area too. It's more noticeable where in the gray area you fall as there is less criteria to be measured on in scale#1. The person who walks out of a bookstore with a pencil accidentally, but who realizes later and doesn't feel remorse, I'm not prepared to call that person a 'bad' person, and so they fall into the gray area. I suspect most people also fall into the gray area on this scale as well. Admittedly it's easier to avoid harming people in person than to avoid harming them in property (stealing).

In any case, I've made my point. I feel there should be a distinction made between good/bad and selfish/selfless. Not violating those rights of innocent people is what's necessary in a successful society, any good or benevolent behavior on top of that is just icing on the cake. If we had a society where everyone was a complete jerk to everyone else, but no one was stealing from or harming innocent people, well....that would be a step in the right direction I feel.

So next time you hear someone referred to as a 'good person', like our good friend Russell Crowe here, consider both scales of measurement to determine for yourself whether they really are a good person or not.

Monday, April 21, 2008

post on religion

This topic was brought up in my Govt class. It's a different way to look at religion as far as it affects moral behavior in both person and society. Religion is a complicated thing, certainly is has far deeper effects than most people realize. However, important though it may seem sometimes, it's still silly to me.

http://islibertylost.blogspot.com/2008/04/religion.html

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Religion

“The belief in a God All Powerful wise & good, is so essential to the moral order of the World & to the happiness of man, that arguments which enforce it cannot be drawn from too many sources...." (James Madison to Frederick Beasley, November 20, 1825)

Does a belief in this kind of a God cause people to be less willing to harm others, as Madison suggests? Does believing that there is no God (as in the case of Stalin and Mao) cause one to be more willing to harm others?

6 comments:

Derek said...

There are two things that Man fears, the wrath of his God, and the wrath of his fellow man. All actions dictated by fear will be influenced by these two factors.

A man who is a devout believer in God will most certainly fear the wrath of his God if he acts outside the boundaries he believes his God has set. By nature, a god-fearing man will be more afraid of his God than his fellow man, and if he believes he is acting in behalf of his God, the wrath of his fellow man will become much less, if any at all, of a deterrent.

This fear of God will be an influencing factor for the life of that man, as, by nature, God cannot be usurped.

A man who has no belief in God will not have the influencing factor of God's potential wrath, and all his actions will be dictated on only on the wrath of his fellow man, which, by nature, CAN be usurped. This fear will only deter as long as the man feels weaker than others, but once the man gains power and feels stronger than others, he loses this fear as well, meaning that he has neither governing fear to dictate his choices, leaving him (allegedly) without morals.

The argument that fear is a prevailing motivator is a solid one. Ideally, the driving motivating factor behind peoples' decisions would be something else, such as compassion or something, but we don't live in an ideal world.

So then the question to be asked is "which causes more fear, wrath of God or wrath of Man?". This, of course, is going to be different to different people.

Certainly a fear of both is going to cause people to act in the most socially acceptable way, and a fear of neither would be disastrous. I don't think anyone could argue this.

A fear of JUST man would be adequate, but only until man can be usurped.

However a fear of JUST God can be equally dangerous, even though God cannot be usurped. Once a man's belief in his God becomes so strong that he no longer fears his fellow man (religious fanatics), ANYTHING is fair game, it's only a matter of details after that. And what's worse is that the fanatic can then turn other God-fearing men into fanatics as well leading to genocide as easily as the man who fears only other men, but has risen to power. (hence the Crusades)


So then it really isn't a matter of belief in God, it's just a matter of belief. All God's aside, all men aside, it's all about what principles you believe in. People will fight to the death for the things they believe at the core of their being to be right and wrong, whether those beliefs were instilled by Man or God. The godless 'heathen' can be more morally established than the godless 'saint'. It's all a matter of perspective. I'm willing to suggest that all morals are subjective. There's a few core beliefs that I believe to apply across the board, and those are the ones that I will fight for to the death, but my list of core beliefs will probably differ from many others. Though I believe MINE to be true, and ONLY mine, that doesn't mean that (at least on a theoretical level) they are true.

So then you move to the assertion of a majority rule. A majority of people would agree that murder falls under that list of core beliefs,that stealing is on that list of core beliefs. But that doesn't mean it is. UNLESS you are willing to adopt the belief that right and wrong is established by the majority.

In the American society where we are ALL about preventing the majority from violating the rights of the minority, this can be a very difficult concept to swallow. But if you agree with all my logic thus far, the next question is "Where do you draw the line?". How BIG does the majority have to be for a belief to move from 'subjective belief' to 'core belief'?

Does 100% percent of the world (or for this example, the United States) believe murder is wrong? I would seriously doubt it. My guess would be a split of maybe 99.99% to .01%, or possibly a greater split than that. But so then you have to ask yourself, if 20% of the nation's population believed murder to be okay, would that take it off the list of 'core beliefs'? Would the Supreme Court make a ruling declaring it unconstitutional for States to make any law concerning the legality of murder? And would they say that murder lies in the word 'liberty' in the due process clause of the 14th Amendment?

Goodness, I realize this is a very extreme example, but my argument is this: morality, whether its the subjective beliefs or the core beliefs, are established by majority rule, they always have and they always will, it's human nature.

It's not a belief in God that creates good men, it's good men that create good men, and THAT, I believe, answers the blog question adequately.

Just my long-winded, extensive, and probably unnecessary explanation of my opinion.

Mr. Powell

MI said...

Three thoughts in response to Mr. Powell.

"Morality, whether its the subjective beliefs or the core beliefs, are established by majority rule, they always have and they always will, it's human nature."

The insistence of the Founders that ideas of right and wrong come from God (and that our basic rights from God) is a denial that morality is whatever the majority says it is. Every single Founder, as well as people like Lincoln, insisted on this point.

You can disagree, but it would be good to give some reasons why you disagree.

"A fear of JUST man would be adequate, but only until man can be usurped."

Perhaps the reason why Marxism leads to totalitarian government is because if there is no God to fear, then government must be extremely powerful in order to keep people in check. The Founders would have seen it this way.

"What's worse is that the fanatic can then turn other God-fearing men into fanatics as well leading to genocide as easily as the man who fears only other men, but has risen to power. (hence the Crusades)."

Is it agreed that the Crusades were the work of God-fearing fanatics? What were the Crusades? What was the purpose of the Crusades? Is there only one way to understand them (a negative one) or is the matter more complex than that?

Derek said...

"The insistence of the Founders that ideas of right and wrong come from God (and that our basic rights from God) is a denial that morality is whatever the majority says it is. Every single Founder, as well as people like Lincoln, insisted on this point."

Who said anything about the founding fathers? I don't believe the debate was over what the founding father's believed or didn't believe about God, but what we thought. My previous comment reflects how I feel and, in my opinion, just because the founding fathers, or anyone else, believed in God-given rights doesn't make it true. All of my comments were coming from a very theoretical level, which they have to because if we only talk from perspective set in reality we wouldn't be able to think outside of our social context.

"Perhaps the reason why Marxism leads to totalitarian government is because if there is no God to fear, then government must be extremely powerful in order to keep people in check. The Founders would have seen it this way."

I believe you are agreeing with me here, but I'm not sure. I'm not trying to defend Marxism, and indeed I'll be the first to admit I don't know much about Karl Marx in the first place. But I believe I know what 'idealist' means and I believe Communism to be just that, idealistic. So idealistic that it's impossible to achieve, and efforts to achieve it will most likely result in morally void behavior.

"Is it agreed that the Crusades were the work of God-fearing fanatics? What were the Crusades? What was the purpose of the Crusades? Is there only one way to understand them (a negative one) or is the matter more complex than that?"

The Crusades, in my opinion, were the work of God-fearing fanatics. Not every soldier who fought in the Crusades was a fanatic, but I believe the people who started it, who were backing it, and who fueled it, were. Like I said: fanatics, who in my opinion are also morally instable, can take the belief of others who AREN'T fanatics, and twist it and manipulate it to get other believers to act in their cause. I believe the Crusades was a war fought in a morally instable time period by morally instable people. As to the negative or positive effects of the Crusades, well, I'm no historian so I won't pretend to know much about that.

MI said...

It definitely is a good idea to think about whether or not there is a God and whether or not our rights actually come from God, independentally of what the Founders thought.

The reason I brought in the Founders is because they understood what the political consequences would be of believing that right and wrong is whatever the majority says. In their opinion, the political consequence would be that there would be no security for rights and so no liberty. They believed that there must be someone independent of mankind who defines right and wrong, or else injustices and even atrocities great and small would regularly take place.

As to the Crusades, I would just say that personally I am going to reserve judgment on the best way to understand them, until I have spent a good deal of time studying the matter. There is, for example, a well-respected three volume history of the Crusades by a historian named Steven Runciman, that would take many hours of work to read through. I think it is important not to be too emphatic about out opinions until we put in the time it takes to understand the matter we are studying--and even when we have put in the time it makes sense to be open to the possibility that we are not done thinking about the matter.

So I am just pleading for open minds and more thinking about this matter.

Derek said...

I agree with you that it's important for every person to come to a verdict of whether God exists or not, I have come to that verdict myself and found that I believe God does exist. I know it may seem like I am atheist in a lot of the things I've said, but I find religion to be a particularly insubstantial area of belief and consequently find myself playing Devil's Advocate any time I can.

Also, I don't doubt at all the the Founders' beliefs in an active God and God-given rights and the passing on of those values to American society has helped create the great American nation we know today, I don't doubt that at all. I strongly believe that the 'core beliefs' the Founders believed in (or as you call the Sacred Triangle of Rights) is an important part to any successful society. I agree with those beliefs, again I just find myself playing Devil's Advocate. I question the beliefs of the Founding Fathers for reasons you yourself argued: just because an authority figure is telling you something doesn't make it true. You've said this about yourself many times.

As for the Crusades, I'm just going to remove myself of them entirely. Like I said I'm no historian and I clearly don't know enough about the topic to use it in reference to any kind of argument I'm making.

I had hoped in no way that in my explanation of my opinions and thoughts that I was done thinking about the matter. I hope and strive to be an open-minded person, that's why I play Devil's Advocate so often, even though a lot of times I agree with the original sentiment.

I guess if I had to make one argument it would be this, and I'll try to put it in a logical structure.

PREMISE: There are hundreds of different religions and hundreds of more ways to look at each one. Each proclaims to be the one and only truth.

INFERENCE: No religion can prove their's is true and the others are false, at least not in a way in which all can accept it (scientifically being an example of a way to prove something). Belief in any particular one requires a 'leap of faith' to varying degrees.

CONCLUSION: Given the diversity of beliefs and opinions among religion and moral beliefs, and the lack of any real proof one over the others, it can be said that predominating beliefs found among a majority of religions can be considered 'God-given'. Or to put it another way, morals are establish via majority rule.

-Mr Powell

MI said...

I do appreciate the questions that you are raising, Mr. Powell. As you say, raising such questions help people to think more.

The point you make in this comment reminds of something we haven't discussed yet about the idea of God-given rights.

In the Declaration, the Americans say that the fact that all human beings have certain basic rights is a "self-evident" truth--that is, it is a truth that can be agreed to by human reason alone, independently of the revelation of religion.

In Activity 68, Locke (as quoted by Story) says that the right to freedom of worship is something that we know exists not only from revealed religion, but natural religion as well. Natual religion, I assume, means idea about God that we can arrive at by means of reason alone.

So the Founders at least believed that we can arrive at the idea of God-given rights by reason alone. (I'd have to think more about how exactly that is done.)

Friday, April 11, 2008

vengeful god 2!

So....how big of a jerk is traditional Christian God? I was thinking about this the other day, and God is supposed to be this benevolent, omnipotent, and omniscience father figure right? Well, if you had kids, would you teach them by killing them? That's what God has done, according to the Bible. Not frequently, but in a lot of cases, and in a lot of circumstances, when the people began to be 'too wicked', he would just strike them all down, flood the earth, sink their city into a fissure in the earth, plague them all, or some other in-your-face show of power. What kind of God is that? I mean, if he's omnipotent, then he coul just make us do right. If you argue that's an example of taking our free agency away, then what is killing someone if not the ultimate removal of free agency?

It just seems to me that as parents, our objectives are to raise our children in what we feel to be the best way possible. Discipline is a problem for all parents to varying degrees, but that's part of the challenge of being a parent. Is figuring out what works for your children and what doesn't, what they will respond to positively and what they respond to negatively. If you can't control your children, they will control you.

But that's what's tough, we're just human beings, we're not omnipotent and omniscient, we have to work at gaining the knowledge of what works and what doesn't. God should already know these things. If God knows everything about everyone, he should easily be able to influence the lives of those who are 'wicked' such that they will want to change. I realize that God today doesn't kill off huge amounts of people for vengeful purposes (or at least no serious religion is claiming such) but that doesn't excuse him from his alledged 'past' behavior. Like I'm seriously am having a hard time understanding how anyone could believe in a higher being that would commit mass genocide as a solution to the discipline problems of his supposed 'children'.

I don't see the difference between God using his omnipotent powers to simply control our actions as a puppetmaster would (which I think people would have serious problems with), or simply killing us, which he does loads of times in the Christian Bible, and in the LDS Book of Mormon. Someone please explain this to me.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

vengeful god (scary!)

So I came to a startling realization the other day. It was after I wrote all that stuff about society and developing your own opinion, about taking as much information as you could and critically evaluating it to develop your own moral standpoint, and then to stick to it to the best of your ability.

Well I was singing a hymn with my brother and sister-in-law and the kids for their Family Home Evening (a church lesson at home) and it had a sentence like "If Jesus stood beside me, would I follow his example?" and it made me think, after EVERYTHING I'd realized about majorities and societies and face-value opinions, who is God to declare a supreme law?

Now I'm sure that would catch most people off guard, but think about it...in a world where our society is constantly evolving, changing, adapting, why do so many of us choose to believe in a God who has declared supreme law? Is it because we hate the idea of ever-changing rules? Of evolving societal norms? Do people desire so much to have that unflinching consistency in their lives?

For example, in the Bible God says that sex between a man and woman before marriage is a sin. But this is the same thing I was saying in my previous post, you have to ask WHY? does he say that? What makes him right about that? Just because he's God? My big realization was that what God says (if God exists in the sense that most Christians believe) isn't any different than what a parent might tell you. Your parents are probably going to have more experience, and are probably going to be right about most of the things they tell you to do, but that doesn't mean they haven't been influenced in their morals throughout their development same as they are doing to you, and their morals may not be right either. Whose to say God is the only omnipotent being in the universe? I dunno if I believe God to be the beginning of existence, how did God coming into being? Same as us? Through a bigger scheme same as we're doing now? If so, then there's an innumerable amount of other omnipotent beings in the universe, and who's God to declare his opinions and morals as supreme universal law? I mean really. He may be right for all I know, but in an existence where there's no question about right and wrong, a world where the words 'right' and 'wrong' lose their relative meanings, what's the point of existence? What's the point of free will?

If you ask me, the nature of society to change, evolve, adapt, to be able to experience and learn new things, reshape your opinions and influence the opinions of others, hell that's the fun in life! You have the free will to make whatever decisions you choose, but if there was absolutely no question in what decisions were right and which were wrong, whats even the point of having free will? Relativity is, in short, one of the most necessary and desirable forces at work in our world, and if relativity doesn't exist in the life here after, I'm not sure I want to live an eternal life without relativity, with one simply unrelenting truth. Sounds boring to me.

And so what if you live your mortal life in a way inconsistent with what God says is 'right', he'll condemn you to an eternity of damnation in fire and brimstone? What kind of God is that? That's devolving into a style of government with a monarch, a supreme king and if you don't do what he says he'll throw you in the dungeon! Is God no more than King Henry? If he is, I don't want to believe in a God like that.

The traditional Christian God is consistent, never-changing, resolute, if he 'changed his mind' he would 'cease to be God'. A supreme constant in moral rights and wrongs. Why would people believe in a God like that? A lot more people than I realize must desire that kind of lifestyle. A lifestyle in which they don't have to make up their own minds about what's right and wrong, or maybe they just hate having to butt heads with people of different moral backgrounds so much they believe in a world where everyone has the same moral beliefs. Like I said...sounds boring to me.

People always say we should spend more time emulating God, but I think (and here's my daily dose of heresy) God should spend more time emulating me. It's okay to declare your opinion, but don't declare a supreme law upon it. Punishing those who don't think like you is the very essence of the evil of society. People are different! There shouldn't be a supreme law! I would expect that undeniable human rights that transcend moral belief such as life, property, and the pursuit of happiness, aren't going to be things that can be attacked in a post-mortal existence.

I dunno, I think I've explained myself. I denounce my belief in the supremacy of God's law.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

the social model

My best friend and I went out drinking Saturday and we had an interesting conversation about society, and what kinds of things society demands.

You can find societies on any and every level of human existence. They are large and small, they can be formed on single or entire sets of beliefs. Anyone who lives in American is part of the American society, gay people are a society, people who go a specific school are a society, and the people in a certain class in that school are also a society. Now, society can be a wonderful thing, indeed most people when confronted with the choice would favor giving up certain freedoms in order to be member to a society which protects certain things and works towards a common goal. But in addition to legal, political, scholastic, and religious demands, society makes social demands as well. Ones that are less considered in the social model.

To set the scene, my friend was telling me that at my age, I should be out getting girls, not necessarily spending all my time looking for that long-term relationship. He was more in favor of me experiencing the short-term relationship, the mostly physical relationship that is easy to start and easy to end, no emotional commitment involved. This isn't the first time this has come up, and usually I just say that isn't what I'm interested in, and that it's the long-term relationship that I want. However, this night we had enough time, and we were drunk enough, to take it a little deeper. He suggested that by experiencing both sides of the argument, I would be able to better decide which I wanted, and that anything else could be considered a show of ignorance.

To establish a base upon which we could argue our points, we agreed on a model. On one side you have the 'traditional marriage' including unrequited love, complete fidelity, a few kids, a house, you know, the responsible family life, which I will refer to as 'love'. On the opposite side we agreed is the 'irresponsible' life (of course, words like responsible are relative to this argument), living for the moment. Doing what you like because you like to do it, including (for the purpose of this model) the short-term relationship, meaningless sex, come-and-go womanizing, getting what you want when you want it, which I will refer to as 'sex'.

Now, I told him that even though I've had slightly more experience with 'love' than 'sex', I'm largely unbiased towards either. Sure, all my past relationships have been more emotionally charged than physically charged, but none of those got anywhere near the two extremes of my model, so I can't really say I have experience in either. He initially said that unless you've experienced both sides, you can't have an unbiased opinion, to which I replied that it's actually only if you've experienced neither that you can claim an unbiased opinion. If you've experienced one side of an argument and not the other, that would be a biased opinion. If you've experienced both sides, bias evolves simply into an educated opinion.

So where does society take place in all this? Well, he asked why, in all my unbias in this model of ours, why I wanted the 'love' side and not the 'sex' side. I told him that between the two, it's the lifestyle I've experienced more in my life and seen more of in the lives of those I respect, that it was the traditional model in society and that it was better for me than the other. This is where society came into it, he assumed that I was putting this lifestyle on a pedestal because that's what society had told me to do, and at that point the argument changed from one arguing about "whether or not I should be going out and having 'meaningless sex' or pursuing love" to one about conformity, non-conformity, and the whys of society.

The flaw of society is this: society isolates those who are different. In any society there is a majority, and a minority (except of course in the rare case when you have a 50/50 split). There's three major reasons that I can think of that bring people running to join the majority. The first, and probably first-considered by people when picking a side, is which is easier? Let's face it, taking a stand, takes work. Whichever side takes less work, people will naturally go to that side because, again let's face it, people are naturally lazy. The second reason (and probably the more significant of the two) is most people have a deeply-rooted 'need' to fit in, they need it, and will go to almost any lengths to fit in with the majority of said society.

You see, when you take a group of people, any group of people from any selection of backgrounds, and throw them together, they will quickly find common ground, establish a majority and get straight to isolating the minority. Which is, like I said, the condemning flaw of society. When someone find themselves feeling isolated, their desire to fit in becomes a more influencing factor on their decision making than logic/common sense. The side effect of this is that they begin to make their lifestyle and behavioral decisions based on how well it will cause them to fit in, or how "cool" it makes them (and really when you think about it, cool is just a word to describe how well someone or something appeals to a society). So then you have a person who is desperately trying to fight who they are, covering it up, or simply don't know who they really are. Basically, someone who is who they are for the simple reason of fitting in.

This, in turn, fuels the flaw of society, as every person who acts this way is adding to the majority of that society, and the bigger the majority is in relation to the minority, the more pressure the minority is going to feel to fit in. People in the minority may still be the type who wants to fit in, but they are comfortable with fitting in with the minority. However, the smaller that minority becomes in relation to the majority, the more people in the minority will begin to feel like they fit in with a big enough crowd instead, and will 'conform' or rather, put up a front, change their life, act differently, and basically do what it takes to fit in the the majority.

Take a sample of 100 people, measuring sexuality, two extremes, two choices, gay or straight. In a society where 55 people are straight, and 45 people are gay, the gay people are going to feel pretty confident about acting gay, as the gays in that society make up a significant part. If 80 people were straight, and only 20 people were gay, the gay people are going to start feeling that social pressure a little more because, as stated, the majority will by nature, isolate, persecute, harass, and sabotage the minority because...well, a majority society consumes everything in its path. If 95 are straight, and only 5 are gay, you can bet those 5 gay people are gunna have a hell of a time living in that society, as the sheer fact of their small representation in that society will cause them to come face-to-face with hate, ridicule, and isolation where ever they go in that society.

Is it bad to have a society of people that is 100% sided with some particular demographic? For instance, is it bad to have a society that is 100% heterosexual? No, it's not, in fact it's great. Like-mindedness breeds harmony while opposition breeds confusion, fear, and hate. The bad thing about having a society that is 100% sided in a demographic is that no one will ever be able to feel like they can be who they are if who they truly are lies on the opposite side of that demographic. They would know, well as anyone, that if they profess their feelings of opposition, they would come under fire and persecution, and ultimately be isolated from the society based on one of a thousand demographics that person can have opinions on. So they suppress their position on that demographic, never to reveal it until a time when they feel safe doing so.

So point being, does the flaw lie with conformity? No, the flaw lies with what society does in the absence of conformity. It breeds whole generations of 'sheep'; people who don't know the true reasons for doing what they do, but they do it anyways to fit in. They don't know why they feel the way they feel, just that if they feel a certain way they will fit in and if they don't, they won't fit in. Perhaps it is peoples' need to fit in that is to blame, or more likely, it is peoples' fear of that which is different that is to blame, and society is just a machine to fight for the majority against that which they fear. It's a stupid development, if you think about it, but there it is. It's really a stupid way to live your life, being someone or doing something you don't know anything about, or don't feel strongly about, or something you're even flat out against, but you be that person or do that thing anyways, because your need to fit in is so overwhelming that nothing else matters.
Now, I haven't even touched the polar opposite. These people, instead of feeling a need to fit in, feel a need to stand out. These people feel they need to establish a vivid contrast between themselves and the majority, indeed these people desire to live in the minority because, in addition to the flak the minority comes under sometimes, the minority also stands out to the majority. When you're a member of a demographic side that is in the minority of some topic, your voice constitutes a larger percentage of that demographic, a 'bigger chunk', which gives people a sense of empowerment. People would rather be 1 in 100 vs. 1 in 1000.
Of course, the minority isn't always a bad thing. On many topics, or demographics as I've been calling them, the majority doesn't lie along one of the polar opposites. In many cases, the majority sits comfortably in the middle of the issue while a minority establishes themselves on either side, nearer the extremes. In most of these cases, establishing yourself as a member of one of the minorities is more difficult than settling in the middle of the issue with the majority.

Take the issue of high school popularity as an example. There are two polar extremes, either you're very popular or you're very unpopular, either way, people are likely to know who you are. This is the minority and it can be found divided among the two extremes. Then there's the majority, which sits right in the middle. These people are neither popular, nor unpopular, and most are happy being just that. They aren't singled out, they don't stand out, they just are. This is the easiest route to take, and in this case, people's desire to do that which is easiest and their need to fit in finally work together. But then you have the people who need to stand out, and this is where you get your popular or unpopular minorities from. It takes less effort to get the disrespect of the majority than it does to get their respect. This is where you get your 'rebels'.
Rebels show up in all facets of all societies. These people do the opposite of what they are told because they are told to do it. They hate the majority and want to oppose 'the man' or 'the conformists' in every way possible. They may not necessarily feel strongly about a breaking social rules and norms, but they'll do it anyways to piss society off. This is where you get your 'goth' kids, who need to stand out but don't want to work to be popular so they settle into unpopularity and then convince themselves they're in the best place to be by calling everyone else conformists and sheeple and such. I feel like a lot of hippies and environmentalists also fall into this category.

On the other side of this you have people who not only want to stand out, but also want the respect of the majority. This being the principle that creates the population of the 'very popular' side. They work for the majority just enough to garner their respect and, in most cases, envy. This is where you get a lot of celebrities, business billionaires, sports stars. Some of these people still hate the majority simply because they are the majority, this is where you get your elitist assholes.

Now, you have to consider the third driving force at power behind the whole social model, and truly this is the most significant force behind decision making, and that is self-interest. Self-interest can be described in a lot of ways, but in a nut shell, it's what you believe to be best for you, whether it's an issue the drives to the very core of your being or merely skims the surface, people are going to act in their best interest. No matter how strongly you may feel about something, a human can and will do the opposite if they feel it's in their best interest, whatever they define their best interest to be. One person may consider their best interest to be financial success, one person's best interest may be their wife and kids, one person's best interest may be simply to stand out in some way or another.

In the previous model of a society with 95 straight people and 5 gay people, one of those gay people may be gay to the core of his being, but he may also define his best interest as being able to get along with society so he can get a good job without being discriminated against, garner respect among the society, basically create opportunity for himself. So gay though he may be, and even though he very well may be one of those people who wants to stand out, his best interest that he defines for himself may just as well dictate that he cover it up all and fake it so he can fit in with society, so society will include him in opportunity, so he can make a good life for himself, based on his definition of a good life (which for all we know was shaped by society anyways) but at least he knows it's his opinion.

Ultimately, when people take the time to make the distinction, people will almost ALWAYS act in their best interest, it goes back to Darwin's 'survival of the fittest'. It's kind of like those movies, Saw, where people are taken and put into situations in which they have to do gruesome things in order to save themselves from death, which I would assume is in almost everyone's 'best interest'. Consider, of course, that living may not be in someone's best interest; best interest is defined by the person making the decisions, and that person will sometimes intentionally 'sabotage' one of their strong interests, keeping their job for example, in order to maintain what they believe to be their best interest, which might be being true to their strongest moral beliefs, so they intentionally 'sabotage' their job interest because they were put in a position in which they would have to compromise their best interest in order to keep it.

Now when you bring best interests into the 'polar opposites' model, it alters it a bit. This is where you get the expression, "where do you draw the line?". Consider a model of two polar opposites, a color bar if you will, with white on one side and black on the other, and throughout the middle is the steady blend from one to the other. Somewhere on that line, no matter the issue, people will draw a line, effectively cutting the color bar into two halves. This line represents their best interest, and from that point, on one side of it becomes your best interest and on the other side is your worst interest. Survival of the fittest dictates that person will never cross that line from their best interest to their worst interest, however, based on the issue at hand, that person is likely to live as close to that line as he/she can without actually crossing it. The student who works just hard enough to pass all his classes so he doesn't flunk out, the employee who works just hard enough to keep his job, the citizen who will bend a law as far as they can without breaking it, or even the citizen who will break as many laws as he can without stirring the authorities enough to get thrown into jail.

It can be said that one of the forces driving people to live as close to the line as possible is laziness, and it usually is, as with the student and employee who put the minimum amount of effort in to maintain their goals. However, don't be mistaken in that, consider the poor mother who eats barely enough to keep herself alive so that she can give the rest to her children, or the man who lives as frugally as possible so he can save as much as he can for his son's college fund.

I guess ultimately what I'm saying about society is, people make stupid decisions for stupid reasons all the time. Sometimes because of the frequency of decisions being made for stupid reasons, people stop being able to make the distinction between the stupid reasons and good reasons. This is how it comes back to me. I've made a lot of decisions in my life that could be interpreted (and often are) as stupid decisions, and can also be interpreted as falling into my category description of 'rebels', intentionally doing the opposite of the majority just to stick it to the man. This couldn't be further from the truth.

I'll admit I may not have evaluated every time where on my 'moral color bar' this decision landed, but I don't expect anyone ever does. When I made the decision to smoke marijuana for the first time, it probably wasn't too much in my best interest, but remember that I said you draw a line, and one side becomes your best interest, and though smoking marijuana probably wasn't near the extreme side of my best interest, I clearly felt I was still standing on the side of that line I had drawn in my mind. If I had considered everything, all of this, all the possible ramifications of it all at that time, I might've shifted that line to a position that would've that decision into the 'worst interest' side. But I'll be honest, reevaluating your lines, or your 'morals' as you can fairly call them, takes work. And here comes human nature towards laziness, I didn't feel like it. People probably make a lot of stupid decisions because they don't feel like reevaluating their morals everytime they make a decision, or they simply don't think to reevaluate them and just go by their last judgment, which people, including me, do frequently.

Now, back to the beginning, and the conversation I was having with my friend about the traditional marriage model and the newer, 'more appealing', meaningless sex model. Society has shaped my opinion on the matter, it's true. It's kind of stupid really, but society shapes everyones' opinions on everything. You may not agree with society, but you still form your opinions based on the influences of those around you whether you like it or not.

So based on what I've experienced and seen, and liked, I've decided that in the model of long-term vs short-term relationships, I've drawn a line and called the side of long-term/marriage as my best interest. As with many models, the opposing side has a certain appeal that draws me as close to my line as possible, indeed I would probably take limited participation in the side I've deemed my 'worst interest' if opportunity came up, but I have no intention of seeking it out. I had no intention of seeking out someone with marijuana, I had no intention of seeking out someone with alcohol, I had no intention of beginning to swear when I first did that, but we do these things because we trust ourselves in our interpretation of our best interest and honestly believe we are still acting within the realms of our best interest. Sometimes we are, sometimes we aren't, but what I think is important above all, is to understand why.

Lots of people throughout life would love nothing more than to tell you what your best interest should be, and in fact some will insist upon it, such as parents, religious authorities, legal authorities, or others. What's important is to understand that these are opinions, just the same as anyone else's, and are to be taken as such. Of course, a lot of them may be right, you may not agree with them, but they may be right all the same. This is where personal experience enters into the realm of deciding what your best interest is. Inexperience breeds poor definitions of best interest, which breeds poor decisions, which eventually, in the long run, leads to a society that makes poor choices as a collective whole which, if allowed to continue in that fashion, will destroy the society. I hope I have made my argument up until now clear enough to convince most people that the statement I just made is true. I honestly believe it to be.

Many decisions in life can be extremely effective in shaping your future, for both the better and worse. The problem with a lot of these decisions is that the effects of the decision take time to manifest, or to create a noticeable enough change to for you to realize the effects. Your inexperience can lead you to making decisions in the present that you think are in your best interest, but over time will effectively shape your life into something you no longer believe is in your best interest, usually by that point it's too late to reverse the effects of the decision and you're left trying to sort out the mess, and the people you've built bridges with in the meantime of course.

So how do you avoid these catastrophic decisions when you can't tell them for what they are? You seek the guidance and experience of those who are older, those who have gone through it already or seen it manifested in another, and can relate the effects of the decision, those who will know the decision for what it is. That would be all well and good, but there's exceptional flaws with doing this as well as with anything.

There are a lot of people who act like they know what is best for you and they really don't. There are those who will tell you to make a decision based on the fact it has worked for most, but things affect people in different ways, and their lack of knowledge about your background can lead them to guide you down the wrong path, in other words, lead you down a path that may not be right for you.

Remember the crowd of people who do what they do just to fit in? Without ever really knowing why they do it or what them doing it really means? Well a lot of those people grow up and turn around spreading the exact same information even though they STILL don't know why they do it, or what it really means to do it. This is an example of ignorance creating more ignorance. It's a vicious cycle really, but it happens all the time. You get the kid who is raised all his life never to drink alcohol 'because it's bad', who then turns around and teaches his kids (and really anyone who will listen) also not to drink alcohol 'because it's bad', and anyone he convinces turns around and teaches anyone else who will listen. You create a web of misinformation, a regurgitation of baseless morals, and people listen and don't drink alcohol 'because it's bad' which is the same as saying 'I don't do it simply because I was told not to do it'. Of course, there's a reason for all things, and over time through the constant retelling of the morals, the reason gets lost by the way side, or even intentionally covered up in attempts to persuade more people to adopt the morals.

Let's take alcohol as a perfect means to illustrate my example, and I'll try to tie it all together. Alcohol has been woven so deep into the fabric of society I doubt it'll ever be removed, but that certainly won't stop people from trying. Regardless of alcohol's stranglehold on society, an alarming amount of people oppose alcohol (to varying degrees). Many of them will have different reasons for opposing the consumption of alcohol. Some of these reasons only dictate the person doesn't drink themselves, while others can be more extreme and drive the person to spread their cause as far and as wide as they can, and by any means necessary to satisfy them. Some of these reasons can be as simple as 'my parents told me not to', or 'if I do I'll get grounded', or 'God says it's bad in the Bible'. The strength of these arguments is going to be different to different people, personally I think they're all pretty weak.

My opinion? I believe the facts are that, like many things, when handled irresponsibly, alcohol can lead to addiction, death of yourself or others, and general poor decision making that can affect you and others in negative ways. LOTS of people are irresponsible, and if they drink they are likely to be irresponsible with alcohol as well, including drinking too much, drinking too often, driving while drunk, displacing their priorities because they become addicted, etc. Of course, not everyone who drinks will act in such irresponsible ways. Most people who drink, like myself, are responsible enough to know when is a good time to drink and when isn't, and when it IS time to drink, how much to drink, and what kinds of things are acceptable to do while drunk and what kinds of things aren't. Alcohol is just an enabler, people can be (and are) irresponsible with LOTS of things, but the nature of alcohol makes it so the irresponsible decisions made while under the influence of it are often more significant consequently. Drinking in and of itself isn't wrong at all in my opinion, but like I said, when combined with irresponsibility, the effects can be disastrous. My interpretation of the facts lead me to establish a moral that drinking is, at least for me, okay, as long as I don't over do it.

In some peoples' minds, it's better to get rid of alcohol entirely than to deal with the consequences of the few who do it irresponsibly. This is the kind of person who intentionally doesn't communicate the facts in order to use a reason he believes will persuade more people who consequently will adopt of the moral of not drinking. This is the kind of person, in my opinion, who would write the Bible and put into it that God said drinking was a sin because he knew that most people believe in God and their belief that if God said it, it's true. This is the kind of person who pushed for, and passed, Prohibition (which is commonly referred to as "the Progressives' folley"). So then these people blindly take on this reason and spread it themselves, ignorance feeding ignorance, like I said. This wouldn't be so bad except like a lot of other things, this is used in conjunction with close-mindedness (which is another force), a superiority complex (another force), and ignorance that there are different ways of looking at the same thing.

I realize that my opinion of why people should or shouldn't drink may not be right either, but it's one I've formulated for myself based on the information I've heard concerning the subject for 22 years, and that's just it, that's how I feel empowered over others, I've heard these arguments and have formulated my own opinion. I'm not just taking something someone told me was truth and taking it for face value, I've evaluated the opinions of others and made my own opinion on the matter, I've drawn my line and am sticking to it. I know what my line is, I know where it is, and I know which side I stand on.

All I really want is for people to do the same. To stop making the decisions they make for stupid reasons, to question their morals, to ask WHY? when someone tells them something is right. To take everything into consideration and make the best possible choice with the information they have. I'm not telling people to do the opposite of what they are told is right, but to find out WHY? that person believes it's right, and make a decision for yourself. Make the effort to sort out your life, your morals, your beliefs, make sure you know WHO you are and WHY you do the things you do. Establish your best interest and stick to it, but know when it's appropriate to act out of your best interest to help others. We live in a society and in order to maintain that society, we have to work together, we have to be courteous. Sometimes we have to do things we may not feel are in our interest, but when taken into the big picture of maintaining a society that protects your interests, you may find it actually is.