A reconciliation of my beliefs

So recently I've been going through and reading and rereading a lot of my writings from throughout the years. All of my blog posts (the significant ones), all of my family letters detailing events of my life, and old journal entries. It's given me great insight into who I am and who I've become. It's also given me insight into who I used to be and what I used to think about things.

What I've concluded is this: all growing up I had faith in God, in his existence and in his caring guidance in my life. I made references to these beliefs as recently as summer 2006 when I expressed in a family letter my belief that the Lord would help take care of my brother and I as we worked for the summer in Gary, IN.

However what I also found is there was a very distinct time in my life where I began to question everything, all aspects of society and of my life. I think some of these questions led to interesting and positive realizations, but I think some of them led to destructive thought processes that broke down my faith, the faith I'd always had.

What's significant about these observations is that while reading through blog entries and family letters during that questioning and cynical part of my life, I realized most of those thoughts and philosophies I expressed are no longer applicable to the way I feel now. I read them and I feel like I'm reading the thoughts of someone else, and not my own. Which further made me realize that while I went through that questioning phase, I still have strong core beliefs that have been resolute throughout that time.

So to pull a trick out of the US Supreme Court's book, I'm going to reverse some decisions expressed in the past that I feel are no longer a reflection of my person:

1) My statement that I believed God created us but didn't actively intervene in the lives of man. I now feel like I've known all along that He, in fact, does. Sometimes He makes it more obvious, but usually it's in subtle ways that only those are are spiritually attuned will take notice of. I feel like God has intervened often in my life, some of them I've recognized, most of them I probably haven't. I hope to one day be able to recognize the hand of God taking part in my life every day.

2) My statement that I was denouncing my belief in the supremacy of God's law. I now feel like this was a silly statement to make, as I'd previously expressed a belief in God but then denounced belief in his Divinity? Those are very obviously contradicting statements.

3) My expressed disbelief in Jesus Christ being the Son of God. I feel like this also was a silly statement to make, and that I've known otherwise all along.

I dunno, I'm sure there's more, but I didn't keep notes while I was rereading through old entries. I do remember strongly feeling like I was reading someone else's writings during most of them. What I most strongly know now is that family is the most vital element of both our temporary and immortal existences. I love my family so much and they have played and continue to play a major role in my life. I wanted to share a piece of a family letter I wrote summer of 2005 during which time I was about to move from Dallas back up to Utah on a short-notice decision by my summer employer:

"Know that I love my family very much and would love nothing more than to be able to spend time with all of them at least once a week, if not multiple times a week, but it looks like the Big Man upstairs has different plans in mind for Maretta and myself. I am a very strong believer that everything happens for a reason. There's a reason why we came down to Dallas for this program and there's a reason why it didn't work out and now we're going back to Utah. I'm just glad I got to see my family at least a few times while down here. When I think of all the people in the world who never get to spend time with their family, or worse, have a family they despise, it makes me realize how lucky I am to have a very loving and centralized family."

I dunno how many 19 yr olds you hear saying that kind of stuff about their family, and when I read stuff like that that I wrote as a teenager, it makes me proud. Proud of who I've always been and what I've always known. I know it will be because of family that I will dive headlong back into religion, whether it's my family consisting of parents and siblings, or whether it's my own personal family that I'm anxious to one day begin. There's is a love in my family that I feel like sometimes is indescribable. This is something I can perceive and feel in my immediate family, it is something I know. I feel like it is also a feeling I could know in regards to my eternal parents and my eternal family, and I want to be some day able to make that connection.

I don't know what's in the cards for me, either in this life or in the life after, but I know I am capable of great things, and I would like to extend my love and appreciation for all those who have helped or will help me to accomplish those things. I can only hope to do the same for those I love.

electronic cigarettes and the politics of innovation

Okay so what is it about smoking cigarettes that has made it so unpopular with the media and general population these days?

1) First and foremost, smoking is almost a guaranteed killer. Disregarding the fact that we will all die eventually from something or another, cigarettes are packed full of chemicals, tar, carcinogens and other things that make them generally unhealthy. These are the causes of things like lung cancer, emphysema and other health risks associated with smoking. Many federal and non-profit organizations report that as many as one half of smokers will die from smoking related illnesses. Their definition of 'smoking related' is besides the point. Smoking is just plain unhealthy, there's really no argument around it.

2) It smells. Cigarette smoke smell bad to most people. Some enjoy the smell of second hand smoke, but in general it's a pretty foul odor. Moreover, extended exposure to cigarette smoke can permanently damage many kinds of property, public or private, by creating a permanent odor of used ashtrays; in your car, in restaurants, your house, your clothes, etc.

3) It's expensive. With the taxes being constantly added to cigarettes, packs can cost up to almost $7/pack. If you smoke a pack a day, that's almost $200/mo, or $2400/yr. It's an expensive habit, that much is for sure.

4) It's trashy. The amount of trash and litter that comes from smokers is huge. Cigarette butts EVERYWHERE. Empty packs, wrappers, used up lighters, ash, etc. Quite plainly, it's a hassle.

5) It's a fire hazard. Smoking is banned in most public places these days. Not only because of the health concerns of second hand smoke, but also largely because you are holding an ember in your hand which, if improperly handled and disposed of, can very easily start a fire.

6) You could call this an argument but really it just leads back to the last 5, and that is that nicotine is addictive. Sure it's never good to let an addiction have power over you, but addictions come in many shapes and forms. The reason this addiction is so bad, is because of the other arguments listed. It'll be a drain on your money, it'll damage your property from second hand smoke if you allow it, you're unwelcome from most public places while smoking, and on top of all that it'll probably kill you. All these unwanted repercussions due to smoking.

Now, lets throw all those arguments out the window (well except for the addiction part). And with that, you have the electronic cigarette, as pictured above. The idea of the electronic cigarette is that it's designed to look, feel, and taste like a real cigarette, but without any of the negative repercussions of smoking a real cigarette. Basically it works like this. You have a battery which, when air is pulled through the assembly, powers a heating element (referred to as an atomizer) which vaporizes a nicotine solution which is then inhaled. Basic details can be found on wikipedia or for more detailed information, you can find assorted reports from both government agencies and online retailers. Ultimately, the e-cigarette is a solution to most of the problems created by smoking tobacco cigarettes.

1) E-cigarettes are said to be anywhere from 90%-99% healthier than cigarettes. Any carcinogens or TSNA's found in these 'nicotine solutions' is said to be present only in below harmful levels. All the chemicals that cause illnesses related to smoking aren't present in these nicotine solutions. That's not to say e-cigarettes are healthy, after all, nicotine is still poisonous and above certain dosages it can even cause death. However, e-cigarettes will not cause any of the usual health illnesses caused by cigarette smoke.

2) Since there is no burn, combustion or ember of any kind, the vapor produced is odorless and dissipates as quickly as steam from a boiling pot of water. There is no smell, and consequently there is no risk of property damage or general unwelcomeness.

3) E-cigarettes can cost as little as 1/4th the cost of traditional cigarettes. After the initial purchase of the rechargeable lithium battery and atomizer, the only non-renewable part of the assembly is the cartridges preloaded with the solution. A pack of cartridges (which is supposed to be equivalent to around 4 packs(or 80 traditional cigarettes) costs only $5-7, depending on the retailer. This is clearly the economical option.

4) With no burning components, no tobacco, no paper, and no filter, there is nothing to worry about when it comes to trash. Simply dispose of the plastic cartridge when it's empty and continue. No hot ash, no cigarette burns, no ashtrays, no lighters, no paper packs. Completely eliminated.

5) Again, with no burning components and no smoke, e-cigarettes pose no threat of starting a fire. As such, they are legally allowed in places where traditional smoking is banned, such as restaurants, airplanes, and other public places.

Yes, it is still nicotine. You can still become addicted to it. But if you eliminate most or all of the arguments against smoking, is the addiction still so terrible? Like I said, no addiction is good, but when comparing traditional cigarettes to e-cigarettes, it seems like an amazing alternative that both smokers and non-smokers can enjoy the comparative benefits of. Being that it's so amazing, why have you probably never heard of these? Or at least not seen much press coverage? Despite all the evidence, why is the government not backing these? I'll tell you why:

Politics, bureaucracy, and big business.

Obviously, there are serious interests aligned against the electronic cigarettes if the FDA can be persuaded to abandon its professional duty. Let's look at who is affected:

• the pharmaceutical industry, who sell nicotine replacement aids
• public health groups, who receive funds from the pharmaceutical industry and promote ineffective smoking cessation aids
• the tobacco companies, who could see their lethal products taking a hit if electronic cigarettes ever become really popular
• the American government, whose health plans rely on revenue from tobacco companies, among the billions generated in revue from taxing cigarettes
  

This is the first time I've really realized big business for what it is, and what kind of power it seems to hold over our government and media; and to honest, it's kind of frightening. When you've got a new product (I believe the idea is less than a few years old) that seems to rival that of a billion-dollar industry, why hasn't there been more coverage on it? I myself just heard about e-cigarettes this week and have been reading up on them fervently. Being somewhat of a smoker myself I tried to do plenty of research to see what these were all about. What, if any, health concerns did e-cigarettes pose over traditional cigarettes? What governmental acknowledgment has this product gotten? I've tried to look for non-biased studies and research, but it's been hard. Official statements from Big Tobacco companies have spoken against them and official statements from the FDA have spoken ill of them, but everything I've found from consumers has been overwhelmingly supportive of them. It's easy to see why Big Tobacco companies would want to crush this new rival, so I have a hard time believing anything they say, and it's easy to see how the opinion of the FDA could be 'persuaded' by all sorts of special interest groups, including the Federal Government itself, and so it seems like the only opinions I can trust are those of people who hold no loyalty to either, and just really want to evaluate the product for what it is. These are the people I've heard huge support from over the e-cigarette.

Already the federal government has tried to ban foreign manufacturers from shipping e-cigarettes from overseas, and are currently battling with domestic manufacturers. But why? The evidence I've seen and read is overwhelmingly compelling in the favor of e-cigarettes. There's definitely no way that they could be MORE unhealthy than traditional cigarettes, and the FDA backs THOSE. So why not these? It just amazes me, how our government can be bought and paid for like this. I fully expect to see further legislation against e-cigarettes by lobbyists of Big Tobacco and other agencies. I wouldn't be surprised if ultimately e-cigarettes were made illegal, for whatever bullcrap reason they will end up making. If that happens, they are basically condemning up to 50% of e-smokers to their death upon return to traditional cigarettes as their only option.


The worst part of all this is the realization that the e-cigarette probably isn't the first, and definitely won't be the last idea to be repressed from popular attention long enough to eliminate the product from the consumer market. What truly scares me is if this kind of thing can happen, what will the future of our country be? If our 'free market' isn't really free? Where do the possibilities end? If a revolutionary alternative fuel is innovated, will that idea also be systematically dismantled by the government and it's special-interest lobbyists? Has it already happened and the general public just doesn't know about it? What about in the health industry?
I think most people have heard the 'crazy' conspiracy theorists that speculate a cure for cancer has already been discovered but covered up; well I'm beginning to think those guys aren't so 'crazy' after all, and I'm truly beginning to worry about the future of our country's innovation.

If you're interested in additional/further coverage of e-cigarettes from government and press, go to this website.

young girls

Well it's been a long time since I made a post but I thought this idea merited some written organization.

I work at Chili's Bar and Grill and recently transferred to a new store closer to where I live. One of the other servers there, Madison, is very cute, very sexy. When I started working there she immediately started flirting with me. Not like, suggestive flirting, just unusual interest in me and stuff like "we should hang out sometime" this and "you're so funny!" that. She's 19 so I had my reservations about responding but she seemed interested in me so I wasn't going to say no.

I get her number and we text back and forth a bit, semi-flirty stuff. So I asked her out on a date, we go rock climbing, have a great time. To me it seems like things went really well, and I felt like we had some chemistry. So I start getting into this girl, thinking maybe things might go somewhere. I have a party at my house a few days later, invite a bunch of friends, mostly from work, and she comes. At the party she still seems kinda into me but I feel like I'm competing for her attention a bit, that annoys me.

After that I try and set up another date, but she's really flaky about it. I call, I get a voice mail, she doesn't return my call. I text, she says she didn't get it. I ask her out for another night, she says she's working. I try a different night, she says she works that night too. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if in fact she was interested at all? Because it seems to me if someone wants to go out with you, even if they're busy they will try to offer an alternative time that works for them. "No I work that night but I'm off the night after" etc. But no, nothin. So I send her a text "Do you WANT to go out again? Because I felt like we had some chemistry last time but maybe you didn't?"

She never responds.

And so that got me thinking. Obviously her not responding says it all. And I started wondering how I could've started falling for this girl when it was apparent to me now that she wasn't really interested at all. And then I started realizing that she's just a flirt. A flaky girl who feeds off the attention that all the guys give her and loves every moment of it. It may not be her intention to have guys think she's into them when she really isn't at all, but sometimes it's not all about intentions.

So then I started wondering if I should still work at it. Because *I* felt like she was a great girl, she met most of my criteria and from everything I'd seen so far, I really thought she was someone I could really get along with. But then I started getting indignant. Why would I try and convince someone why they should date me if they don't necessarily care to? That's just stupid. Life is too short to spend time waiting for someone to decide that you're worth their attention.

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a great guy. A girl would BE so lucky to date me. And I know that sounds incredibly conceited, but I have to give value to myself so I don't end up selling myself short. I'm not saying what I have and what I am is what every girl is looking for, but I do have quite a few desirable traits. I'm working on bettering myself by going to school, I work two jobs to support myself and enjoy a comfortable life style, I enjoy a broad range of interests from video games to athletics to music to puzzles, I have a good selection of talents, I'm tall dark and handsome, I'm responsible but also care-free, I bring almost no baggage to a relationship, I'm almost void of all drama, and more.

I have some undesirable traits too, but who doesn't. My point is, I have to give myself the credit I deserve. I can't be spending time chasing after girls who aren't interested in me, desirable though they may be.

They say girls mature faster than guys, and I think I can agree with that, until about the age 15. I think girls are 15 for 10 years, and then when they turn 25 they rapidly mature and realize their party-hardy attitude towards dating and guys for the last 10 years isn't getting them anywhere and they start to realize what will. I'm pretty sure I knew that already, hence my original reservations about bothering with a 19 year old. However I guess I was banking on the exception to the rule. Not all girls are flirty and indecisive for that long. Some, like my sister and my sister-in-law, shape up much earlier. I guess that's what I was hoping Madison was. But oh well. I'm not in any hurry to meet that special someone, and they say the person who is giving the least amount of special attention to finding love is the one most likely to find it. I'm too great of a guy to be chasing after bimbos. And a lot of other guys are too. These girls will lead us on a never ending rabbit chase, and we need to see these girls for what they are. If you're in the 18-25 range, don't be frustrated if you can't find a girl that doesn't play games or send mixed signals. Wait for a few years, or date someone older. It's just not worth chasing that girl who doesn't need you, you're better than that. Keep your chin up, there's someone out there who will love and need you just as much as you love and need them, and there is for me too.

ethics

I use my blog for all sorts of things, religious and political musings, expressing emotions, and to relate humorous stories and anecdotes. Sometimes, however, I just need to rant. For instance, my ethics class. I took Ethics this semester to fulfill my humanities requirement. I chose Ethics over Intro to Philosophy because I thought Ethics sounded more fun. Well I'm seriously beginning to doubt that assessment. The readings we do from the textbook are the only real meaningful content I get from the class. Everything else, the class discussion, the weekly papers, the online discussion, all a waste of time. At least that's my feeling so far.

This is a basic format of our bi-weekly classes. We come to class having read the assigned reading. The teacher starts at the beginning of the reading and starts to talk about it. Generally the chapters are analyzing philosophical and logical ways to look at things, and typically they used controversial topics to illustrate how these theories relate to important things. The discussion then goes in one of two directions: either the class keeps their focus on the ethical theory being presented in that section of the chapter, which leaves the room in crickets (my assumption is that most people haven't read it or don't get it, but sometimes there just isn't much to debate concerning the matter), OR the class ignores the ethical theory and focuses on the controversial topic being analyzed. It then turns into a debate not regarding anything having to do with ethics, but an all out argument over whether things like abortion and homosexuality is right or wrong.

Mostly I blame the teacher. I'm all about class discussion and debating class content with other classmates, but any discussion needs moderation, and if your teacher isn't moderating the discussion, things can get way off topic and out of hand fast. When I took my government classes, my teacher also used the same 'open discussion' method in teaching his class but he commanded the attention of the class, allowed only one person at a time to speak, disallowed people interrupting, and kept it on topic. He did a very good job overall in moderating the discussion. My Ethics teacher, however, does not. I don't care if she's hot, she's terrible at moderating discussion, and even if someone is just asking an open question, she doesn't do a very good job at addressing it concretely. Maybe that's just the nature of a subjective class such as Ethics, or maybe it has everything to do with the teacher. I don't really blame my classmates, even though I'm definitely annoyed by some of them. People are going to be loud and obnoxious and interrupt and try and dominate every topic, regardless of what class, the only thing that prevents that is a teacher keeping them in check.

Anyways, thats my rant regarding this dumb class, I'm not looking forward to the rest of the semester. I don't have high hopes for things ever improving. We'll see though I guess.

cleaning up the system

There's a flaw in the system. An outdated burden on this country that weighs each and every one of us down. I'm talking, of course, about pennies. Why, oh why, are these copper-plated zinc coins that weigh 2.5 grams each still plaguing our progressive society? I'll tell you why, taxes. Taxes and their darn percentages of percentages, taking completely reasonable prices such as $1 and turning it into $1.08, thus creating a need for currency between 0 and 5 cents.

Okay, I understand that back in the day, when pennies began to be minted, that 1 cent was quite significant, with basic needs like a loaf of bread costing 4 or 5 cents, a pound of flour, 8 cents. But I think we can all collectively agree that those times are dead and gone, but still the penny persists. Everywhere you go, every purchase you make, things are coming down to pennies. My opinion is that the penny, the smallest minted denomination of currency, is obsolete. And I'm not the only one who thinks so, there's been a lot of controversy over the years over the topic of removing pennies from circulation. I, for one, fully support this and am amazed we haven't done it already.

Imagine a world where all purchases were tax-included and made to constrain to the nearest tenth of a dollar. That's right, get rid of nickels too. Weighing in at 5 grams (only .6 grams less than a quarter and worth only one fifth the amount), they easily could use some doing away with. If all the coins I had to carry were quarters and dimes, I would be a happy sailor (or at least happy). Now enter a magical place, where all purchasable goods and services are tax-included and rounded to the nearest half dollar. That's right, I'm talking about the movie theater. Why this is the only establishment I can think of that includes tax on it's purchases, I'm not sure, but I like it. Don't get me wrong, I still think prices at movie theaters are simply ridiculous; through the roof; but it's nice not having to worry about menial amounts of money, like 8 cents. If all the currency I had to carry was bills and 50¢ coins, that would be even better!

All we need is a 'matyr' so to speak, someone to die to show the rest of the world how unnecessary and useless pennies and nickels are. Now where to find some poor sod to bury under a mound of useless metals.....lol

being straight forward

So I did something today that is somewhat out of my ordinary behavior. I told a girl that enough was enough, and pretty much to leave me alone.

There was this girl in my algebra class last fall that I would talk to all the time in class, we studied outside of class together frequently and talked on the phone several times about completely non-school related things. She was really cool and I probably would've really taken to her, except that I found out pretty early on that she had a bf so I never really let myself get involved. We were just friends the whole semester, and we had great fun in algebra class, my favorite class that semester.

We bumped into each other once the following semester, and texted back and forth a few times here and there to keep in touch. I enjoyed keeping in touch with her about how my other math classes were going, but mostly I was keeping up with the hopes that someday I would ask again about her boyfriend and she would be single, and that then I could be like "Hey, let's go grab dinner sometime, catch up." but no. A year later I get around to asking, hoping it'd been long enough, but no. She's still seeing the guy, and apparently they've been seeing each other for like 4 years so...yeah...that sounds pretty serious.

Well so that was the last time we sent text messages back and forth, like a couple weeks ago, and that's when I asked her about her boyfriend. Well, so she texts me again tonight, and she's just asking like, start questions. "Hey you, how are you doing?". And I'm all thinking, "why is this girl teasing me so?". Well I'm sitting next to my brother, and I'm all thinking out loud what I'd like to say about how she's totally taken and small talk is pointless and it's just confusing me, and he's like "well then tell her that". So I did. I pretty much told her straight up that I thought she was really cool and that if she wasn't seeing someone that I would be interested in taking her out, but aside from that, I wasn't really interested in trying to keep a meaningful friendship together when we aren't even going to the same school anymore, and that further conversation would really just be more or less a frustrating tease to me....which is true. Every time she would text me out of the blue wondering what I was up to and how I was, I would wonder.

But so anyways, I sent her those texts and she was kinda understanding. I could tell she was surprised at it, overall it was probably a slightly negative reaction, but I feel good about it in that I was totally straight forward with my intentions. I don't think there's anything wrong with only wanting to keep in touch with someone for the possibility of dating them. I have lots of friends, I don't need more friends, what I would LIKE is to meet a girl worth dating that isn't already taken and who doesn't play games.

I had lots of friends in high school that I was great friends with. But truth be told, most friends are situational. Situational in that you think they're awesome and you have great fun hanging out with them in the environment you met them at (school, work, church) but you just never really make the leap to an outside setting. Thus, once you split paths (change schools, quit your job, move) trying to keep up just seems forced. Some friends you stick with regardless of the distance, but most are come and go. It's not all bad, when you change settings, you make new situational friends. I have tons of friends at Chili's that I hang out with outside of work, quite frequently. I'd like to think that if I or they quit, that we'll keep hanging out, but I wouldn't be surprised either if we just slowly stopped talking. Life's just like that.

So when you have a girl that you really enjoyed hanging out with in algebra class, that's totally datable but taken, and she's texting you about how you're doing and what you're up to, do you try to maintain a forced friendship or to you be straight forward and let her know that unless there's a possibility of something more, that it's best to just leave things be and enjoy the memories? If you answered #1, you're a tool. lol

rollover topic

I'd like to extend the previous 'theory' or philosophy beyond family, because indeed it does extend beyond family. Those unreasonable feelings of personal accountability aren't just limited to parents. It can extend to anyone you really care about. And it sucks, because it almost always makes you look like an irrational jerk.

A few examples: last summer my best friend got married. The person he got married to and situation he married into, and the way in which he married, were all things I disagreed with, or to be more specific, weren't the way I would've done them...........but it's not about me. It took me a long time after he got married to come to terms with all that.

I've always held an image in my mind about how marriage should be, the way things are supposed to work. It was established by the way I'd seen it happen over and over in the world in which I was raised in. The 'world' I was raised in was almost entirely Mormon. My influences from inside the house were 100% Mormon, and the vast majority of all of my influences outside the house were Mormon too. It wasn't until I was 15-16 that I start going back to an outside school and was able to experience life outside of a completely Mormon influence, but by that point I'd had 15 years of Mormon influence that had already established and deeply rooted certain ideals in my brain. (Obviously that was the point). Anyways, very seldom in Mormon society do women have children outside of marriage, and very seldom do people get a divorce, both of which mean that very very seldom are there ever kids involved from a previous relationship or marriage. Also, Mormon weddings are really played up, very celebrated. Very seldom is there a marriage in which there wasn't an engagement, invitations, a reception, yada yada. So when this is what I expect for myself and from everyone else, and then my best friend marries a girl who has a kid from a previous relationship, and they don't have any kind of engagement or anything, it really threw me for a loop.

At first I was all "Wow, I can't believe you did that, you're crazy, this isn't right for you, you could do so much better" yada yada yada and so on. After awhile I started to realize that it's his choice and really none of my business, but I still didn't like it. Now I am realizing that I'm having those same feelings of accountability almost. I care for my best friend, and I want him to have the best opportunity in life possible, and I didn't think the choices he was making would lead to that opportunity. I felt like he was cutting himself short. I certainly must have felt responsible to some degree because I kept trying to talk him out of it the idea that his situation was 'okay'.

So in that case I was getting emotionally involved in someone else's choices that didn't really have anything to do with me. I was crusading my beliefs and morals on his behalf. It was selfish but me to fight him on the topic and to treat him any differently than I would have otherwise.

In any case, I've been doing the same thing with my brother, and it's unfair in this case too. He was really close to getting married to this girl a few years ago but things didn't work out. A few years later she comes back into his life but she's married to another guy and she has a daughter. She's on the brink of divorce and my brother is caught up in a whirlwind of emotion thinking back to times when he was in love with her. For a long time I've been fighting him on the topic saying he needs to stay far far away from her, that she's no good, that he needs to find a better girl, and so on. The same kind of thing with my best friend. I want only the best for him, or rather, what "I" think would be the best for him. But more and more I'm beginning to realize what I think is best for him and what's actually best for him may be entirely different. If she makes him happy, that's really all I should ask for. Having a kid from a previous marriage puts him at a disadvantage, yes, but if he recognizes that and is willing to deal with it, then good for him I guess, that's his choice. If he wants to start dating her again after her divorce, I won't completely fight him on it anymore.

And getting away from me, I've been victim to this kind of behavior before. I've explained what happened in a previous post. In my freshman year of college my room mate was giving me lots of grief for no apparent reason, and he later said it was because I was doing so poorly in my grades and being generally anti-social. He was holding his standard of living for me, and must have felt somehow accountable for my poor behavior.

In any case, this can really happen to anyone you really care about. You want the best for the people you love, but sometimes you just have to stop and consider that what you think is best isn't always necessarily what is best for them.