organized religion

I'm a baptized Mormon, born and raised, however I never really got into church my entire life. I went to church every Sunday because my parents made me and because a lot of my friends were there. I jumped through their hoops and learned their scriptures (lolscripturechase), all the while never really questioning it until I was about 17ish. Even during that time I would try to apply all these principles I had learned growing up but none of them ever panned out for me. When I graduated I went out to BYU (a Mormon-founded university in Utah) and while there I really developed some different perspectives of religion.

Everyone there at this school where almost 100% of the students were members of this church, just seemed like robots to me. Almost every single person acted and handled themselves in exactly the same ways. To me there was just such a lack of individuality that it made me stand back in shock and during the next 2 years I spent there never really felt like I should, could, or wanted to try and fall in with this crowd. The theology and doctrines, while nice and convenient, preached things that when I applied, I never felt any real return from it. The people, while friendly and generally helpful, tended to be very ignorant and close-minded. The administration, while organized and well-mannered, was quick to judge and call people out on things. I mean, for crying out loud, men can't even wear long hair (even past their neckline or covering their ears) at BYU or wear a beard of any length! Thats just one thing in the pool of unindividualism.

I ended up getting suspended from BYU (mostly by choice) for fooling around with marijuana and just as well because I was planning on transferring out. I spent about a year back home in my own apartment just kind of drifting through life for awhile, just working and hanging out and not really bothering myself with religion or church (which is and has always been extremely difficult for me to ignore since my entire family and extended family on both my Mom's and Dad's sides are all devout Mormons) until about a year ago when I ran into an especially compelling piece of Mormon propaganda and decided that, what the hell, I'll give it one more shot. So I thought back on all the teachings I'd learned since I was a kid about how to understand the scriptures and 'receive answers to prayers' and 'feel the spirit of God' and so on. I was really determined to get an answer this time and I put more faith and emotion into this attempt than ever I had before. Yet after 3 weeks of consistent scripture reading, church attendance, and stand-up moral behavior, I had nothing to show for it. No revelations, no epiphanies, no spiritual feelings, just an overwhelming bitterness after one particularly hard afternoon when I thought I actually might've been onto something and prayed for what seemed like hours and never got anything back.

Since then I've pretty much felt that yeah, Mormons teach nice values and are friendly people. They have a lot of interesting stories but I can't really get on board with a lot of their doctrine. I've never been interested in examining other churches because I figure, if I'm not particularly drawn to one I've been accustomed to and that would be easiest for me to be devout in, why bother try to learn about a new one I know nothing about and that I know would bring me lots of social stress from my friends and family.

I feel like I know the difference between right and wrong and that I don't need any religious group to lay down boundaries that I may not agree with or already know. Upon deeper exploration of religion and how so many millions of people can swear to the root of their being that everything they know is the absolute truth and that they've received undeniable witness that its true, I've come to theorize that some people need religion. They just need it, the idea of something greater, the idea of a golden brick road that leads to the Emerald City and that if they stay on the road and don't get kidnapped by flying monkeys, that the Wizard will grant them safe passage back to where ever they came from before this life. Without religion, these people don't know how to get to the Emerald City and consequently feel like they will never get 'home', so they gather together and form a belief system that makes sense to them and build a yellow brick road out of it and claim the Emerald City lies 'just beyond those hills'. Does it do wonderful things for people? Definitely. It is for everyone? I honestly dont believe it is. Do I believe in some sort of existence after death..?..Yeah I do. Call it idealistic but as long as I maintain at least some shred of a sort of eternal existence, it helps me to not make a complete screw up of my life. Already you could call that religion, and by no means am I atheist, I just don't buy into the stock these religions are selling. They each claim their stock will be worth a fortune after this life and that if you make sacrifices by investing with them, you'll get a big pay off after death. Convenient theory for the religions, especially the ones that bring a handsome amount of money in through donations or tithes.

Anyways, in Mormonism they teach that man holds no accountability for that which he doesn't know to be wrong. For example, Mormons (like many religions) share the belief that sex outside of marriage is a sin. Well, according to this belief, if I had never been taught that and never heard about it, and at the root of my being didn't feel it was wrong, I could fornicate all my life and not be held accountable for it after this life (assuming, of course, there is some sort of state of accountability after death). Now thats a belief that if your goal as a church was to bring people to your religion, seems kind of like an argument to the opposition. Take me for instance, most people I know are Mormon and insist the church is true and I should come back. However, according to this belief if I never receive some sort of witness for myself that everything I've been taught all my life is true, that all these principles and 'rules' are true, then I can't be held accountable for violating them. To me they are all just a bunch of nice stories. So after considering that all I can say is, what's my motivation? What's my motivation to restrict my actions to receive the same 'supposed' reward as all these other followers who never in their life break any 'rules'. For most people it's a sense of belonging and deeper understanding of themselves that drives them to restrict themselves, they'll jump into the pen with the rest of the animals and graze on scriptures until they die, as long as they are with the other animals; but to me it's just not that simple.

I have always made a point of being an individual, to not blend with the crowd. I'm not shunned by my family for not following their beliefs but it's definitely a source of social discomfort between us from time to time. It's something I've learned to put up with.

I believe people should share their beliefs, but only with those for whom they deeply care, not just some stranger on the bus or a coworker you barely talk to. And like I said, they should be shared, never pushed, and that goes for all people. You wouldn't push your religious beliefs on a stranger because it's rude. However it's not any less rude to do the same thing with a family member. Religion is a huge deal to a lot of people, with some (like Mormons) it's a life-encompassing decision, but that's not any different that any other set of morals, beliefs, talents, ethics, or personalities that make up a person. It's been around forever and it'll continue to go on. As long as we can all learn to get along together and accept our differences, God forbid we even celebrate our differences, then that's what will make the world a better place. Thats all I have to say about it.